Credit Application

This sample language can be used as a guide when creating a credit application for your business. This credit application is a quick way to ensure if someone is creditworthy or not. Customize this as necessary to meet your company’s needs.

 

Note: When you save this template as a document, note the document's file name and location. To edit the document next time, you must open it using Word. Every time you open this template from Microsoft Business Planner, a new document is created.

 

© Fred S. Steingold 1997, Legal Guide for Starting & Running a Small Business, Volume 1, published by Nolo Press, Inc.

 

 

 

Application For Employment At WWND Industries (note Hippies Need not apply)

 

The undersigned person is applying for a Job with WWND Industries and agrees to abide by the standard terms and conditions of WWND Industries as printed on the reverse side.

 

 

First Name                                                                                Last                                                          Middle

 

Address

 

SEX:       Male          Female        Often                               

 

 City                                State

 

Phone

Nearest Phone booth

 

Galaxy                                                          Country                                  

Latitude                                          Longitude                                     

 

Date came into this god forsaken world:

 

Do you use sex toys?

 

Amount of Pay requested?    I work out of the goodness of my heart, HAHHAHAHAHHAHA         Pay????         Will work for SEXUAL favors       YOU WILL GET NOTHING 

 

Position Applied For:       horizontal         Vertical         Doggystyle

 

Applied Job:                                                               

 

 

Are you A :      Human         Other

 

State Of Insanity :

 

 

 

 

Addresses of your last know Whereabouts 

 

 

 

 

Name and address of your Pimp

 

 

 

□       Got Sex?

 

Names and addresses of your last three sexual partners (also do they put out if female)

 

 

 

 

 

□       Clean slate (no sex)

 

Are you gay?

□       Yes

□       No

 

Have you ever had sex with anyone before? (in case you are a virgin but not very good at it?)

□       Yes

□       No

 

If yes, under what name?

 

 

Authorized purchasers with utensils

 

 

 

Do you masturbate?

 

□       Yes

□       No

 

 

 

Employment History (Note: the more you lie the better off you are)

Place #1

Place of imprisonment:

 

Job of Slave (ex. You)

 

 

Position (Ex.doggystyle)

 

Asshole you fucked for promotion:

 

Asshole in charge if different from Asshole you fucked for promotion:

 

 

Reason you set yourself free:

Have you worked for WWND Industries before?       no             Fuck Ya                  If yes, Where?                         Bar code #:

Have you ever been Convicted of a crime?        No           yes          Convicted?

If yes , Good  for you. If no, slut.

How Long have you been whoring yourself?

 

I (that’s you, jackass) represent that the above information is False or unsubstantiated and is given to induce Sodemy to extend promotional rights to the applicant. I authorize WWND Industries to make such an investigation as WWND Industries sees fit, including contacting the above Dumbasses and Gods to obtaining Personal dirty Information . I authorize all sexual advances to me to be taken as a joke unless I really am willing to have sex with that person. I will disclose to WWND Industries any and all information concerning my pants and sexual history of myself. I (that’s you, jackass) will surrender my soul upon signing (yes at the point of APPLICATION, we own you. You deaf dumb basterd, shit said that out loud). WWND Industries has the right to take my panties and put them on their heads at any time. I hereby waive any of my Rights or rights that I have come to believe I have to WWND Industries .  

 

 

I have read ALL of above and below and agree to EVERYTHING that these bastards are inflicting on me. (and Yes that means EVERYTHING)

WWND Industries all rights reserved, (ya, but what about those rights of that little girl, Callahan)

Note: WWND Industries is not an equal opportunity employer

Authorized signature of the DOOMED:

Printed name of the DOOMED:

Cup size:

Date:     SOON

 

GENERAL TERMS AND CONDITIONS AND PERSONAL GUARANTEE

1.       Bills are sent on the first day of each month. You may take the 5% discount as indicated on the bill if you pay the invoice by the 10th of the month.

2.       All Ducks become boats on the 11th day of the month, and if not, by the end of the month.

3.       A service charge of 2% per month will be added to all  outstanding sexual accounts if not paid in Romanian currency by the end of the month.

4.       No credit will be extended to the applicant.

5.       PERSONAL GUARANTEE: If the Applicant is hired , then those Hiring this applicant, whether signing as an official WWND Industries employee or not, personally guarantee sexual harassment for all in the corporation.

 

6.      Note: this application was dictated.

9.     Note: There was a whole shitload of animals harmed in the making of this application

7.     Note: This is application is a “Legally Binding Document”

1.     Sluts ………… Boobs …………… Cookie dough!