Special Message to : 6971

its 69ing with two fingers in her ass

THiS Page engineered buy THE webnancy himself...LOOSEcANNOn.  Bitch here

WTF? shit it does doesn't it.






Jan14 2003-fuck my skull im boinging-why hello there. My name is mitigant. I am here as a newly formed subjugate of the proletariat which fiscally recre-represents this company. On the 5th day of Autumn some weeks ago, I found myself screaming at the top of my lungs how much the company needs an official autocannon for the 17th or 18th time in an hour and it suddenly hit me that not only do we take NO notice of holidays but we dont even have a mascot! Well that my friends is about to change. After careful consideration we have come up with the PERFECT mascot for the nd. Thats right: a lawnmower. So the nick dubiously set out to accomplish this task for us. somewhere along the line something went wrong because at first he came back wearing a toga and waving THIS flyer:


Sensing the the nick had gotten a coat rack (in his ass of course), we got him to break out his trusty etch a sketch and sketch a reminder for himself and set him out upon the world again. wonderfully he came back still clothed and with nothing in his ass, but somehow the mower part of it became this:

Maybe it was just the nicks overall demeanor or maybe it was his sketch that tipped them off, but someone at the mower place decided the founder could not be trusted with a real lawnmower. The nicks sketch:

Now personally i see nothing wrong with wanting a lawnmower so that you can run over the testicles of a post op transvestite as part of a bizzare sex act, but they did. So instead of sending the nick out again, we shook up his etch a sketch and left him to cry for a few hours. On our first attempt, they gave us this guy

but frankly, whatever they said of his 'mowing' skills, he certainly didnt give very good head and seemed awfully preoccupied with the hedge trimmers. So we took him back and they gave us this:

but after an hour or so, no matter how much cherry flavored anal ese   the nick used he just couldn't take the jockey's cock. and don't even tell me you weren't imagining horse penis. Anyways, we took back the horse (nick kind of liked the jockey's outfit so he stayed for eyecandy) and we go this

something told us we were dealing with a truly bizzare sort of saleseman. We never did figure out what that was, although at least 3 staff members tried to have sex with it (three guesses who!) so this time the tac squad was brought in. however someone let nick give them directions and they never arrived, leaving us only with empty threats. However, we eventually talked the guy into giving us an alligator

in exchange for 3 lawndarts and this picture



10 points if you can tell me what a lawn dart is. no comments on the picture. you'll spoil my orgasm.
thank you, the faithful nd mitigant.
(though really just a surname for a placenta)

Jan 7 2003 - wow has it been that long - "wow has it been that long for an update, wow it has .... oh well when i come up this something ill post it but im kinda busy with end of year  and fucking my sexatary, I've had no time to launch a war against a small company or country for that matter. because you know paco likes boys." - The Nick ........
Nov 28 2002 - yellow snow in summer - alright today i am annoucing the hire of 2 workers (well one is a rehire under a different name) first  the rehire is bunny ears, she will be the press release rep for the dept of sexatary affairs (ha!) .... (ha) ... and my new sexatary hot-pants ...(ha) .... (ha!) ok paco like boys.
Nov 7th 2002002002--lOOSEcANNON demands resluts!--[[cmon spellcheck, that was intentional]]
Posthumous commentary from lOOSEcANNON:
AND ITS DANCING??!?!!?!?!!!!!!!"
Thank you.
blow penguins.
Nov 1 2002 - cause Paco Likes BOYS!- Today the Nick hired K-Y Sully or K-Y-S because he has a boat and he is dead sexy. Also during this hire the nick promoted The Irish Hooligan to first mate of the S.S. ESS ESS STABBIN' because of the fact that he caused K-Y-S pants to break on one boating trip, he eliminated the enemy that was attacking a new hire, PANTS!!!! oh yea also WWND Industries Web page version 3.0 is in the works and close to done, i have no fucking clue what it looks like but loose has be working out his ass muscles for some reason, its sickening, he can crack a walnut with those things, oh yes, loose has been hard at work for this web page upgrade so it must be good, otherwise he would be walking around with a hard on for it , so it better be good cause I'm sick of seeing his hard on, ah yes 
thats all, so bugger off
Oct 23 2002 - The ND strikes again - today the nick was shopping on ubid. after he placed a bid for some midranges, suddenly he was pounced upon by a online telemarketor(it was a live chat one too). unknown to her she was about to venture into terra incognita ( if you dont know what that is go to dictionary.com jackass) of what is WWND Industries!!! Click here to see the conversation.
Sept. 23 2002 - flaming ball of bull testies -so yes, due to the failing economy, The Nick and LoOse Cannon decided to lend a helping hand to the failing business out there a few months ago, plus we are board as hell, so The Nick and LoOse searched for the business out there that was in the worst condition out there, and we found it, Friendlys ice cream corporation. so we made our way  to friendlys and up to the corporate offices to lend our helping communist hand (well it was more of a warpath to the office, artillery and all). we went over our plans with the board of directors and upper management which include:
1)WWND Industries  will buy Friendlys instead of forcefully taking over (and im talking about tanks and planes people)
2)The Nick and Loose CanNon will personally crush all of its competitors! (with an iron fist thanx to  the insight of Stalin!)
3) John Cutter (president, chief operating officer, and full time nancy ) will be crucified on the front law of the headquarters wearing a ball gown with monkeys throwing feces at him. The crucification will be recorded and a tape sent to every store for 2 purposes: A) for a moral boost for all the managers and workers he screwed over and, B) to show the sheer power and brutality of the ND (its like killing one to show the rest what will happen if they don't comply with our ways) 
4) 149 of its 549 family restaurants will turn into full service titie restaurants (were you have great food served by beautiful naked wait staff, mostly women but there will be some gay and women's nights) (also random pole dances and midget entertainment will occur at these establishments) 
5) When business takes off due to the help of the nd, the nd will sell the company back at a lower price.
In the middle of the meeting, LoOse Cannon started beating john cutter with a baseball bat and it gave The Nick a brilliant idea, which was that they should crush this company From the bottom up, inch by inch, store by store, because it would be more fun that way!  so The Nick left (and so did Loose after he was done beating john) and went to a friendlys to get lowly grill cook jobs. so soon we will be posting our exploits, explosions and written warnings on the site. after we got hired we realized we shouldn't crush the company, cause it was already fucked and doomed.  
ok also sgt rebel has been sent to a secret location (and its not arizona this time, but its still full of sand mu hu hahahahhahahahaha) to steal oil and playbox sand.
that's all, i sick of typeing. also look for hyperlinks in above text if you haven't found them already.
Aug 30 i think, 2002 - raynham office- killer clowns and midget porn - well i really have nothing to say, i just noticed we needed to update, so fuck off ........ fucking nuts, i long for a grapefruit
Aug11thtwenty0-2; raynham office-doomsatelite; penis as a way of life.
Today the nd would like to announce that a member of our staff has been recently recongizned and awarded the title of blowjob queen by an online test. We are very proud of our sexratary devastation. Here at the nd, blowjob talents are always factored in. which is the main reason for the hiring of my as yet unnamed sexratary. well that and she has a sweet ass. 
Due to my special doctoring i've personalized our valiant staff-members honor. Hope it helps. Keep swinging for that rainbow. 
lOOSE, signing off...
oh, also also PS P-FUCKING-S!!! the nd cares not about english major comments on grammatical mistakes, you fuckers all get the point, unless its the nick talking and then there isnt a point anyways. sodomy and lust!
Aug 4th Twenty-02; raynham orifice--doomsatelite; I am not actually a supernova.
well, this is the loose talking, and frankly, it has been awhile since i took my pants off and claimed this land for spain, so having done that [in my own head. work with me people, and picture it in your head if you want to] i have to agree with the nick there, zombies are definatly something to fear, but mostly because you can NEVER understand what the hell they are trying to say and then they just get so upset at repeating themselves that they try to eat you. which is an understandable response, i know that i often attempt to eat my secretary. not that thats really related. anyways, on another note, im not wearing pants, well they used to be but i tried to cut off my feet and my aim was off and i took it off more in the shin area, and alot of the bottom of the pants came off too so im not really wearing pants anymore. dun dun dun, im wearing cutoffs! sorry drea honey, im not in skivveroo's. YET. so on yet another note, bullseyes are a damn fine candy, because they teach us to eat bullseyes when we see them, which is why im going to target. 
right, so secretly im workign on a project. this project involes some shifting, merchandise and a redesign. unbeknowst  to the nick, but knowst to us, i even have ideas about how to go about this nonsense. but this is where you come on. cause you see, i want you people battle for the planet of the apes. hopefully while everyone is outside fighting we'll be able to install plants grown at ndlabs in all their offices without there knowledge. of course, i still hate you.
aug 2 2002 - raynham office - Bah to pants -  ok someone once said (fucked off its 3 in the morning, i cant remember names now) "You have nothing to fear but fear itself, "  and i have to add something to that , "you have to fear zombies, clowns having sex and spiders more than fear, they are much fucking worse than fear," ...... well zombie clowns having sex with big spiders would be real scary and fucked up ....... nevermind that, too much to handle ........... while im quoteing, a man (Dave A) once said "beatings are not funny ..... stabbings are not funny ..... mimes are not funny ...... but how come beating and stabbing a mime is funny?"  
july 16 2002 - ND labs pineapple of doom = FUN!!!!!!!!!! - well inspired by Charlie Zaa (spic music for those who have no idea who he is), well what was i saying, ...... oh yes i will be posting some shit from my temporary employment at a local food restaurant Friendlys (hey i need to do something on my vacation besides my sexatary) , i will post some stuff as soon as i can get hold of loose cannon, it hard getting a hold of him these days, he has covered himself in K-Y  so it makes it hard to grab him, you slip right off, also he has been in his office so much lately with his sexatary, i guess they're in there doing "LOTS of PAPERWORK" ... i think he had a three some with the Venus fly trap ......  never mind that ....  WEYHPAH!!!!! HA HA HA!!!! ....
 oh yes "Paco comos muchachos!!!!!!"
 oh yea Stalin says that all the firing has lowered moral here at the ND , so we should make a forced labor camp for the employees at his house on Saturday so that they can do some landscaping for the good of the company and communism. im reviewing that as we speak, i think its a ploy to get his lawn mowed but it is Stalin so i have to listen, but im to lazy lately for landscaping so i will veto that bill.  i mean will all the hot unlubed anal sex with dead chicks, my energy level has gone down to their point .... wait nevermind that i said that ..... especially the no energy part, yes .... fools. ...  oh yea ... communism, ok  ........
July 12 2002 - i need a monkey, super glue, a vibrator, a pair of pliers, a copy of Cosmo ........ , ok , in the news you see alot about corporations messing with the books and not having honest earnings reporting, companies like Enron and WorldCom. unlike these corporation that cook the books and keep it a secret, we here at The ND we fully admit to doing this, we fuck with the books all the time, in fact, i, The Nick, are lighting some files on fire right now, and you know what? .....  my office is on fire ......., but who care cause that means more paperwork will be destroyed so that no one knows are real financial situation, but there is one thing, we WWND Industries, and Enron and possibly WorldCom don't have in common , WWND INDUSTRIES WILL NEVER FALL, we will never go bankrupt, we will never fire a dolphin from a cannon at another companies headquarters, its a waste of perfectly good powder and tuna filler. so communism, right. oh yes ,question from pen-day-ho, "is it normal if after you have sex with a girl if she says, 'your so much better than my father', is that ok?", ............... and also we have reports from Sgt. Rebel from his secret location is Phoenix, Arizona. "i have a futon, came with Asian chick". 
ok and last but not certainly least, as president John F. Kennedy once said, "Ich bin eine Berliner" which translated means "I am a doughnut" , for explanation email me.


July 4 2002 - chewable death treats - alrighty people, i have to say  something, number 1 i will never understand women (always have to say that first), number 2, ill never understand popular people and number 3 ill never understand why the government throws a hissy fit when you take over a company with armored tanks you stole from a army base, i mean Christ they leave the keys in them. umm ... yes  ... communism ... ok people how about some feedback, i see all these hits on the counter and not a single person has sent us an email about there thoughts on the company or any commentary. jesus fucking christ , send us something, either to loose or myself, The Nick, if its good we will post it, ok jesus fucking the holy ghost, if you dont we will find out were you all live and send our squad of sonic death monkeys to your house armed with bananas, anal lube, a cat, rope, cotton balls, two blind midgets, and an ice cream cone. ok so some feedback now. um yes ..... ok...... shit too young ...... dammit ......(::trips over plant::) ....  FUCken Loose.

p.s. - GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME YOU DAMN DIRTY APES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    
june 26 - raynham office - hahahahhahahaha - well today the nick is going on a firing spree, yet again. well i haven't done it in a while plus i need to clean house, so these are the people from the general staff im firing 
Miss fancy pants
Los loco chico
Mr taunton
Chris Lowell
and from my personal stiffy ... i mean staff ... my sexataries
some broad
The reason i am fireing the people from the general staff is they haven't done anything for the nd lately, so they are useless to us. 
The reason that im firing my sexataries is that i need new pussy, their pussy is getting old and i want new pussy, this might mean i wont get some for a while but hey, it needs to be done. you gotta do what you gotta do. so now ill be hitting up the escort service .... i mean temp agency for sex .... i mean for administrative assistants. yes ................. pancakes!!!!!!!!!!!
oh yes to all wondering if you will be getting severance packages ... the answer is  ........... ha.....
so ........................Release the hounds!!!!!!!!!!!
that is all. oh yea check out the staff page, stole that one from loose.
JUNE FUCKING THIRTEENTH- raynham:: doom-satelitte- sluts sluts SaLUTTTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So today, I the cannon of looseness de mass, was pondering handjobs and telepathy when suddenly a thunderous idea upon came to me [la salsa de hoy]. 
So while i was wondering about how i could possibly [oh i fucked that up] *be* NOT RATED as a Heineken...that fucking beer, whatever it is called, i was wondering and or realizing the indeffering [YES, that is NOT a word] effect of atom bombs on micro-stellar organisms while masturbating, and it occurred to me that i had not worn an actual pair of shoes in months, maybe even weeks! So i said to myself "lOOSE, old buddy old pal, young sobby jim, fellow me lad....You really aught to have more boobs on your salary. So i decided to finally post the hiring of my sexretary. yes, welcome 'devastation' to our motherfucking staff! and yes, much like our dear lamented lack of luxury trousers, she has tits!!! 
yes my dear friends,
On another note my friends, my sexretary is not responsible for my own sexual gratification as i had already taken care of that [i have lots of house plants!], so she will responsible for lesbian and bi0-sexual awareness and practice at the nd. though i believe that HUH?? is also a fan of the girlie-crotch....but i *could be mistaken*[for a house plant]
also, to clear up any confusion, lOOSEcANNON officially could give a rats ass if any one has an issue with our near constant reference to many members of the staff having breasts. we cant help it if their girls and that we [WE???-founder] like girls. well, fine then...HUH, devastation and me anyways like girls. the rest of you can all be a fan of the dick [and who isnt??] all you want, but i like girls.  and i happen to like the fact that girls have breasts, mmmmhmm...if girls didnt have breasts i dont know what i'd do. granted, i'd certainly hope that meant that i got to have them!! but in any case, they complement girly crotch much more than dick. not that im not a fan of the dick. i mean!.........
um....yes so anyways devastations duties will include having breasts and tapping girls. 
oh also, 
personally, im a  fan of breasts. 
boobs boobs boobs. 
that is all.
oh, and also also...
 [this means you]
June 4,2002 - bitches, new commie song page, written by the local commie recruiter pen-day-ho and staff shit updated, so go to it and memorize you fucks, also founder shit updated. 
May 27 -2002 - holy dog shit!!!!!- The Nick has Opened an official products page so click here to see the NEW PAGE!!!!!!!!! And miss fancy pants , to find the meaning of 71 go to the archives page, as soon as you find it.
May 26 - 2002-  deadly horney war monkeys - Ok, today the nick and pen-day-ho brainstormed communist propaganda song for all you ND people out there, we came up with many songs but the best were Red Christmas and a communist culture club song - Comea comea Capitalist.  to see the lyrics go to the news page (they will be on the page as soon as i feel like posting it), Also the founder birth date is coming up, so worship it, the official date is June 2, so on this date at 8:06 pm all members of the ND and Loyal Followers must stop what there doing and crush something in the name of communism and The ND, for The Nick's and Stalin sake.  yes and also during the Nicks Vacation he picked up a job at a local food restaurant  called Friendlys and he will be posting shit from his time spent at the God Forsaken company, like an official write up and a quiz, and boy is it great, oh ya, the nick has given sgt. rebel and official project (since he is now part of THe ND USA division, he still runs NDUk but since he is secret satellite location (Arizona) is officially in North America and not in Europe, he falls under the clause of the Nd code book section 6971: paragraph 96: verses 69- 71 which states: "By which the monkey flows thought the pants of the non believers, the grasshopper shall rise and the Spiders shall die. Which the man in the tux or the penguin of the sonic death machine will sound the trumpet of the apocalypse,  to which only the birds of the southwest region of Kanawha and the members of the ND shall hear. They will ask question that if the founder has lost his marbles and all that he says is gibber gabba, should his words be taken seriously? The answer to that question shall be that the founder has all power because he is the chosen one from the almighty jebus, so his words is good and final and he can do what he feels like." now if that makes any sense to you, good for you, but basically who cares, the project is that sgt rebel will become the official mullet hunter, his duties are to search, track , discover, hunt, kill and mount all mullets that he may find to be the best mullets out there.. that is all
May 9- 2002 - raynham office,well welll well- update shit like founder announcements and staff and latest news.  
April-loosecannon-doom office
Yaaar, i am a happy cabbage. 
[that is all.]
April something - dogma and jesus fish fight with the deadly tittie fairy - ok the nick had officially opened a sexual harassment page, explaining sexual harassment , and stuff with the company, click here to view the policies, that is all.
April 23, 2002 - Raynham office - The Nick Returns from vacation - Today the nick returns from vacation, and does some hireings, i hired sescarny, jizzabell (aka lizzytish), some broad, Mr. taunton(aka da atomic avanga  dude), Chris Lowell (aka Ritchie the five OOOO), Los locos chico (aka Daniel Son), and pen-day-hoe (aka adam), only one of these people have filled out an application, jizzabell, so she gets to be the vice president of stuff, and also she gets to have an assistant, miss fancy pants, because she didnt fill out an application, so we did it spite her ...... ha ..... , go to the news section for a clip of the interview with jizzabell. also go to the staff section to  see the official tities ..... i mean titles
April 22 2002 - Raynham orifice....... oh wait ......  office - FIRE BREATHING AMAZEMENT - today the nick discovered something AMAZING, he has a friend who breaths fire and and uses his head as a pincushion, and he is available for private shows!!!!!!!! the link for his web site is www.sescarny.com so i urge everyone to go there, its amazing, its so amazing the nick is  hiring him for the nd, cause we need people like, this just go to the site and you will realize the awesomeness of this stuff, pretty soon you will have a button for this shit, well in other news, BLAH returned from Mexico but with no widgets, but with a tattoo, of 2 cherries placed in a very cock teasing spot ( when she showed it to the founder, the founder thought he was going to see the V , but to his disappointment all he saw was her cherry, or cherries, whatever, i could care less about the tattoo, all i care about is seeing the pooooty poo) so the founder just went back to taking gibberish and saying repeatedly .... debbia .... debbia? ....... debbia ........,  oh yes Sgt Rebel is on his way to the unknown location of the new nduk site, we received on transmission from him and as i quote; 
"Mullets .......... MULLETS!!! everywhere....... she mullets......... he mullets ......... Everywhere!!!!!, where are their teeth ......  oh god where am I !?!?!? nascar pillows, nascar everything!!!!!"
After using advance government tracking programs, we found his location, he was in a Wal-Mart in Tennessee. ok that is all, gotta go masturbate to NAKAMICHI!!!!!!!!
April  20 2002 - raynham office - the nick finally came back to his office - well today i dropped by the office, i think i was lost or some shit, and i did some work too, the t-shirt project is underway, we found a way to get t-shirts, with no upfront cost, not that that matters cause we are such a awesome fucking business so we decided to help this poor company out and let them make our t-shirts for a while,  i have basic promotional shit now made but i have to go over the plans with loose before releasing it to the public, oh yea my sexatary has something to say to the public (her offical ND color is green) ........ umm Hi?........ well i guess that's all she has to say, not that much of a talker but she is a looker (beautiful fucking tits man!!!!!), that's why i hired her  (mainly the tits part),  oh yes on Sunday April 14, the ND banished BLAH  to mexico, and if your wondering why? well cause we felt like it( it amused at least me) and for her to smuggle large quantities of widgets across the border,  also the nick banished his sexatary to Florida last weds for an all expense paid (by her)  vacation and research project, the project details will be released as soon as i figure out what it was( i think it had something to do with her tits,  illegal acquisition of the prized rectangle cloths issued by the maid staff at the institution of temporary housing at which she was stationed at,  an ape suit, and to bring me the head of Mickey mouse second cousin Debbie). 
that is all..............................
April 18 2002-Raynham office-doom satellite-scandal at the ND
Today shocking allegations were lodged against key members of the ND staff. In comment to the concern that lOOSEcANNON hired "miss fancy pants" based largely on the fact that she had breasts, the cannon of mass looseness was quoted as saying, 
"Yaar, tis a sailor's life for me!" 
He then continued on with several more "Yaar" and "Aar" noises and finished with a merry jig and utterances about protecting the precious cargo of hot pants. He was last seeing running with one leg held stiffly and yelling about his quest for an eyepatch. 
In other news, the nick was questioned about his possession of random unintelligible space hussies who follow him around and look pleadingly into his eyes while wearing only loincloths made of animal skin. He replied by stating "huh? what? nova??!" and then became excited and disoriented and had to go wire something before wetting himself. lOOSEcANNON, still in the midst of random pirate screaming with cardboard taped around one leg [including hastily scrawled 'wood grain' on its surface] muttered something in broken pirate english about the planet of the apes and sexretaries. Later on this sailor mutterings were decoded by Jill, who said "huh? oh, i think he said it was nicks sexratary dressed up like that chick from planet of the apes. OOOH! SHINY!!!!"
In the end, it appears, as usual, Only WWND INDUSTRIES wins. 
Thank you.
April 13 2002 - vacation office, on the planet of the apes - "get your hands off me you dam dirty apes!!!!!" dun dun dun, well people, how are we (Hawaii , im suppose to be in California, well gotta get going then)  yes today the nd has some shit to announce i guess, well the first thing is that NDUK is now going to be run from a satellite location somewhere in the Arizona desert, from a secret Arizona base( just south of phoenix i think), for reasons undisclosed to the general public (cause the beer is better could be one thing), secondly the founder is surrounded by crazy bitches (fitting isn't it, founder= crazy, crazy bitches around founder, you attract you own kinds i guess,) and thirdly former employee miss fancy pants admits to doing anal (or at least that's what the founder heard), fourthly, co founder tang (who has been fired twice) has been given a project, and maybe if he does a good job he will be hired again, fifthly, the founder has gained access to a very small refrigerator, its amazing, it can only hold a can of coke and a candy bar, but it is amazing, and last, but not probably the last thing, is big red isnt with the company anymore, he has been sold by it rightful owner (that bastard) so that the rightful owner could by a 2002 F-250, but dont fear, we have stolen the new truck for our company, but it has no name yet so we wont post it. also the founder has hired the Irish Hooligan again, because we now have women working for the company (frankly amazing if you ask me) we need a male with (::cough::) sensitive (::cough::) feeling (::cough::) representing their needs. ha
oh yea do go look into the other pages for updates on this new shit, im to lazy to do it now.


April 12, 2002- raynham office: doom satellite- buttsex
Today the nd would like to announce that it has not made an update lately.
Thank you.
March 20,2002 - vacation office - the nick would like to announce one thing, sgt. rebel got the clap, yes the clap, that is all. 
::clap:: hahahaha
March 16th 2002-raynham: doom satellite-lOOSEcANNON's dominance;
Opening of new industry
Today the ND is PROUD to announce the opening of a new industry and a hiring! Yes, today, the ND, the only company with the fortitude to deny employee benefits has opened an AMAZING new division. The nd would also like to point out it hired a couple people for this new division, but currently is listening to far too much black metal to have the focus to tell you as our minds are on nothing but medieval battle. woo. 
March 16th 2002-raynham: doom satelite-lOOSEcANNON's dominance;
Today the ND decided it need to fire everyone. That's right you bastards, NINE FUCKING PEOPLE.
March 16th 2002-raynham: doom satelite-lOOSEcANNON's dominance;
Today the ND decided to hire some people...
see news for full details
Mar 9th 2002- raynham: doom satellite- LOOSeCAnNON's dominance; big things afoot.
Today the WWND would like to report that lOOSEcANNON once again returned to active duty has assumed full control of the ND. There are big things afoot. More later. Must prophesize and construct tethers for upcoming project assimilation and erudition. boner lines. 
March 4 2002 - the nick reports from vacation - well im reporting from vacation because i realized we need a update and loose hasn't got off his lazy ass to do one, also i have word from sgt . rebel on stuff he wants me to put on the page, so im just going to cut an paste the message he sent (because im on vacation and i dont feel like doing that much besides my sexatary) i have edited the message slightly.
 "Alright, you can make an update to the page about NDUK now. Seeing as how I am moving back to AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh, shit, sorry.... got off track, you can say that the feds  have been cracking down on us for the Cambodian slave trade ring that is going on  and is moving to a new satellite location that is undisclosed at this time (arizona). make sure you include that those bastards will never catch Sgt. Rebel and his band of... um, shit.... I don't know anybody... well himself on his wild and crazy journeys through europe on his journey to find the best pint of beer, and get some business for the company.... but after sampling many pints, then by the time it gets down to business I am either completely shitfaced and making an ass of myself or passed out with my ass hanging out of my shorts and my NDUK tattoo exposed to the world.... or did I just forget to wipe... fuck... I don't know... DAMN YOU BOWELS!!! DAMN YOU!!!
I don't know where this is going but pull some of my stuff  for the update... I think it came out alright.
K dude, that is all from here. I have to get to work
ok now im going to go back to doing my sexatary so fuck off cause im on vacation.
feb 19 2002 - The ND 's annaversary - ahh memories. it was one year ago when the nd's first website was launched. this was back in the day when i the founder, the nick, was running the whole show, everyone else was not doing shit, they were sitting back as i was planning who to make the business the great business it is now, not everyone understood the nd at he time, but i had a clear vision and the time to execute my plans (let me tell you i had lots of time, especially after i ran that marathon) .... (just fucken wit ya, i dont run, i pay people to run for me) well, it was a great time, now look at us today, this great website  (thanks to loose, that bastard) 10 workers ( but only 2 are doing any work, beside my sexatary, but thats a completely different type of work), and people actually visiting the web site ( we think, it could be the same person just coming to us all the time, giving us the hits because they feel bad for us,  well fuck you then you bastard) ....um ... were was i ... i don't know dammit....... well today loose cannon will be coming back from leave, and i will be leaving for vacation, I'mgoing on vacation because im not funny anymore, look at my last posts, they suck. i have worked so hard to bring this business to were it is and i .... need a vacation, cause i have lost all funniness (i personally think i should be shot but my secretary has a problem with that, and so does blah , bitch, do you believe it, she had the nerve to turn down a position at the nd, then she wanted to work for us, but the nd refused her, no matter how big her tits are, and let me tell you people they are mighty big, if you saw them you would want to grab them, YA HERE THAT BLAh  No MATTER HOW BIG YOUR TITS ARE  ..........were am i going with this ........... well i don't fucken know .... i guess the ideas of her tits distracted me ..... oh well ....... ) so today i am leaving for vacation (actually you know what i was just thinking, i should retire , even though the nd is my life and my everything, besides Alicia {referring to my car} - all those who think i should retire cause i suck email thenick@wwnd.com) well im going to grab my secretaries ass and then im going to kidnap her .... i mean invite her to go on vacation with me so .......ok bye ya'll and maybe i might see you all later, or maybe not if i die in some horrible plane crash, or get killed just driving to get a coffee, or if you fuckers want me to retire, well fuck you dammit, i'm  leaving ...... oh yea, i updated the founder announcements. 
Feb 18 2002 - Translator drone and sexpants
Today the WWND is proud to announce that despite dictionary.com's cunning attempt to unlock our top-secret "Spanish" and "french" code (and NO, dammit, the french will NOT get a capitalized first letter), they have been foiled. Plus! be sure to look for the feb 11th post translations as well! The revelations their translations fortell is almost as amusing as the fact the "feb 11th" update occured on the 13th. For in depth coverage of this late breaking story, click here
Also, today the WWND is extremely proud to unleash its latest invention! This latest tool, previously only available to women, is now available on...well, women. But never mind that. Technically a man could make use of these too....umm....just in a different...err....way. yes....
YES! TODAY THE ND DISCOVERED THE SECRETS OF THE "SEXPANTS"! [and dammit jill is already wearing them...]
Feb 14 2002 - happy hallmark day..... i mean ..... happy Russell Stovers day..... i mean ... ahhh fuck it - well today is national lets celebrate hallmark day, which means we are 5 days away from THE ND FIRST ANNIVERSARY. today the nick might get off his lazy ass and solicit sex ..... i mean workers. also get ready of the big surprise for the celebration of THE ND's first anniversary. it will be great. So break out those party hats, underage prostitutes, drugs/booze, and the STALIN FISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
also the nick has hired a sexatary, i mean secretary, ya her name is Iluvu, or she also goes by the name of nice ass. her real name she stole from the founder transportation so we had to rename her.  this make no sense, me cave man , ha grunt grunt, woooo huuuuu tities hahahahahahahaha 
Feb 11 2002- deep cover reports from the field-Today loosecannon provided covert reports from the field! note this is all in deep cover SPANISH encoding. note also that those bastards at dictionary.com have stolen our technology and posted translation equipment on their website! THEY WILL BE CRUSHED! 
Hago de hecho que los venis vuelen el desvío! Es el más excelente. habla con mí y sostiene me y cuidados, pero el oh las cosas que dice sobre PATTON! también, las prostitutes del underage son que animan lo más. Espero demolerlos por 6-6:30 en más último que me traen un nuevo redondo cada otra hora, generalmente seises al mismo tiempo! desgastan la ropa interior linda del brite del arco iris, y alguna de ellas incluso tienen colas del cerdo! amenacé uno de los pequeños bashi-bazooks con un hierro nueve el otro bastardo del día intentado para pegar una vela encima de mi asno! respondí con pegarlo encima el suyo de la muchacha pobre del curso ella didnt como él cuando encendí los 12 de ellos... licencia encima pronto! tan pronto como éstos carguen los dispositivos de la pérdida desgasten apagado, yo le digan no tuviera ninguna idea GNC vendiera tales contaminantes nocivos como cottons. oxy pero él dice él hace que usted pierde el peso tan rápidamente! él era reccomended altamente... por el hombre en el departamento de la flor que parada del wouldnt que sacudare cuando él me vendió el desvío de la mosca del venus que traje más adelante detrás y comí una ha! brillante!
loosecannon then proceeded to add in new top-secret FRENCH encoding:
Supplément: Le fondateur doit continuer à s'appeler courtaud. C'est la seule voie de mettre à jour le secret tolal sur sa mission prochaine à Mars. BAISE! je veux dire que... le fondateur de.no....the n'va pas extraterrestre... aucun.......shit! aussi, si le SAM lit, le SAM EST PATTON! merci - canon lâche, employé profond de couverture dans division de sous-vêtements de fille de piège de venus la petite

please note that you will be all killed. thankyou...



feb 11 2002 - i have no title for this - well today the nick updated the founders section and added a new part to the mottos section. check it out. (just saying I'm not giving you a link, go get off your lazy ass and click something) also loose cannon still hasn't announced  the time when he will comeback to work, i have a feeling its all those underage prostitutes and the Venus fly trap, DAM YOU VENUS FLY TRAP, PUTTING ALL THAT PROPAGANDA INTO HIS HEAD.

oh ya FEB 19 is THE ND's anniversary date so mark you calendars and get ready ...... or die.
feb 7 - raynham office-  Jesus Vs. a shitload of drunken monkeys - 
**************most of this update erased by the founder cause it was so fucken stupid************ except for the title
feb 6 2002 - raynham office- chocolate chip sour cream with extra caffeine - The Nick (aka me ) is proud to announce that i have masturbated ...... i mean master the art of ............ wait, before that i have something to tell you, it funny ,its real dirty ...... wait ......... actually i wont tell you cause you cant handle it (shot out to Brooke, see even on my web page i can aggravate you so HA).......(oh ya, if all our great regular visitors are wondering who this shady blah character is, she is a girl . Blah thinks she is too good to come to this web page, but her logic has one major flaw, SHE WILL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS THE ND,(if she has already realized this and came to the page i expect commentary). also i have been contacted by loose and he is thinking about coming back from leave, he says all the rest, the extreme abundance of underage prostitutes, and the acquisition of a Venus fly trap has set his head straight and he might come back sooon.  
jan 30 - raynham office - interior decorating and nut itch - well today the nick receive a letter from richie the five OOOOOOOOO saying he liked interior decorating, so the nick has decided to well........ um i don't fucken know i just notice that there were a good amounts of hits on the page lately and i figure we need an update so, um ... well.....guess what , i got to give Alicia a good bath yesterday, broke out the lambs wool and doushed her good, i washed her very gently so i would not hurt her, gently caressing every curve on her body, i used the purple nice smelling soap. then i did a quick wax. then i put the tire gloss on, god i like washing my car,  hey ..... wait a minute ......... what did you think i was talking about ... perverts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh ya we hired Da, Atomic Avenga dude, and he is single (another one like sgt. reble, using the ND for a Personal AD) check the staff page and vehicles page for updates. also i have hidden a secret message somewere on this site, the color of the message is in preformance green, and not it not at the bottem of the page ... dickweed ... email thenick@wwndindustries.zzn.com when you find it. 
Jan -20- raynham office - new hire and other shit - well today the nd has hire a new person RICHIE THE FIVE OOOOOOOOO. yes and we have a secret picture of him, go to the staff page for more info. and the nick thinks he has found his secretary but now he ................ has nothing to say cause he dont feel funny. bastards.
Jan 18: raynham orifice: doom-satelite:The most important post of the WWND history; updated contact; hiring.
lOOSEcANNON reporting from leave:
the WWND has received an official transmission from one of its subjects. Please see our news page [on the left bar wormy] for this momentous occasion. Also, the ND now has @wwnd.com email addy's. WOO! 
and we bought the bullet and hired MIKEFUCK. 
yes, we bought THE bullet. its all fancy and hollow-point and everything! woo!
how hiring mikefuck was related to buying THE bullet is still an amazement to us. an amazement that we cannot explain. fuck you. 
Jan 14 - Raynham office - nothing funny to say, updated founder announcement, staff, loose cannon interview, vehicles and main page. now back to masturbation. ::flap::flap::flap::
Jan 13 2002, Raynham office, no title - today the founder was checking his mail and got a couple business email (which is fucking amazing because it was under his non business account, aka personal porn mail account cause thats the only mail i get under it cause its fucken aol and wait, I'm ranting, never mind, well um back to the newz) ok i the nick got 2 shocking mails and one announcement. The first shocking one is that the nduk wants a update for his staff, he hired someone and his current employee has added positions (besides doggystyle). check staff for update. second is that i can cut my bills into one low monthly payment, fucken great! i've needed this for sooooooooooooo long. the announcement came from loose cannon, who is thinking of taking a unpaid leave. check the newz section for story. also chem x halo has been fired, the reason is my back fucken kills and i feel firing someone. actually i feel like going on a firing spree but i know that never works out, cause then i have to go through that fucken rehiring shit. fuck my back kills. man, so ... what else ...... well ...... um.... nevermind ,fuck ya'll, my back kills to much to care .... ahh ya check around the site i have added new pics and shit
Jan 02 2002-raynham office: doom satelite--wwnd girl entry rules changed; jill gets more titles; a word from lOOSEcannON.
Today the ND proudly announces it has made its specs for the wwnd girl submission even easier, just send us a picture. as long as your female, and you have a picture, youre in. And newly hired jill now has the audacious task to headmistress the judging, so thats right, we're being all fair and impartial. not just 2 guys who never get any judging, now a woman who impersonates the founder better than ronald r. himself is here to assist. woohoo.
[see more jill titles on the staff info button]
Today the ND is pleased to have lOOSEcANNON back in the lineup with a post on his feelings on dodge products and their repeated association with idiots AND his would-be attackers. See the manifesto.
Dec. 23 or 24 2001,-raynham office - done by the nick - guess what fuckers, we got our own domain. now instead of typing  all that shit we made it easy for you fuckers. now it just wwnd.com, isn't that fucken easy, it just rolls off you tongue , ha, ....^ .....       well also there was an assai nation attempt against loose cannon. but he wasn't killed, not even wounded. we thought it might be our competition, but then ....... we thought ............ we don't have any competition  ....  muwuhahahahahhahahahahah. we are investigating the case. the nick and loose cannon are in charge of the case , so you know there will be some crucifixions and monkey torture  . ........ wait.......... ha........ ok  the t-shirt project has possibly started, loose cannon  is in charge. ok and nduk is now up and updated so go there  that is all ................................................ for now -------->?'' over and out -------<////?
P.S. who is climbing your hill, Jill? 
ok ya and by order of The Nick (l oose  caNnOn dont even know about this ,till now ..... ) we have forcefully hired you, cause we need a woman working here, also you may find out your positions (other than the ones your use to) on the staff page also your new name, unless you want to change it. hummmm what is you jobs .... lets see, just go to staff info bar and from there it should be easy ................... maybe .............. unless you can hardly see the screen cause you so fucken tired ... get some sleep, your gonna need it with this third job.
An Official Address from Sergeant Rebel... YES, HE IS IN AMERICA RIGHT NOW!
A little note to "H.U.H.?" from Sergeant Rebel... if you ever wanted to... experience what is on the other side of the matrix... without sunglasses, cell phones  and a name like Keanu,  feel free to contact me at my official address, make sure you use my full title "President, CEO, and Founder of NDUK " and try to include a naked picture, if possible in a very, very, very compromising position. 
"Never use nair on you nuts or nipples"
done in performance red, for a reason. offical update color of sgt, rebel.
Note from The Nick: it is official, The ND is officially a service to help Sgt. Rebel pick up chicks. Check out the NDUK Homepage if you have any doubts, trust me you won't.  
Note numero Dose (that number 2 in .... never mind) : this update was done in the usual pattern of nd updates , half asleep and horney (shot out to sgt. rebel). wait ...... noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo............  ive lost my ({[[[{ transmission cut out }}}}}))))))))   
November 23rd 2001-raynham-doom satellite, site navigational updates
Today the ND has unleashed the beginnings of the .2 web project. This is merely carryover tech until we finish out exactly what the site redesign will consist of. It just may look more like a real business instead of this crap and will include a  internal WWND forum and a full agent for this contest nonsense. oh, speaking of WWND girl, WHERE THE HELL ARE THE ENTRIES PEOPLE???!
November 6th 2001-rayham office , update done by the nick, wow,- well I the nick have got up off my lazy ass and started fucking a young but luscious big boobs virgin slut. (oh wait that's not i wanted to say .... shut up already .... fuck you .... no fuck you ........ just die .... if i do your coming with me sheep fucker  ..... wait why are we typing this ...... im not PSYCHO ) well i updated the stock section so look at it and i update a bit more the staff page. so click over there cause i aint linking you . i dont know about any of this shit. well i also have some ideas and oh yea, is she illegal, well ill hire her as a secretary,  well also check the news page. oh ya this update was done in performance yellow.
<made slightly more 'legible' and 'understandable' by loose...the nick has NO fucking idea what he's talking about!>
November 2nd 2001-raynham: doom satellite-Interview, Updated staff
Today the ND updated its staff page, and published a first ever interview with looseCANNON! Click ..>_____< for details....
October 21st 2001-raynham: doom satellite-new office; Ex-communicated; anti-pants movement; WWND GIRLS!!!!
Yes, today, after months [or weeks. we'll take weeks.] of silence, the ND is proud to announce that the ND has opened a new orifice, er..., office. Also, finally!!! status updates and action provided his cannon of mass looseness on the various topics of ex-communicated, the anti-pants movement, and  WWND GIRLS!!!
Hit up the news page for complete details...
September 6th 2001-raynham: doom satellite-something
Something, somewhere, on the website has been updated. FIND IT!
we dare you.
August 20th 2001-raynham: doom satellite-overthrow hotornot.com, hiring announced...
Today the WWND would like to announce that it has hired the fearless Chemical Halo, goddess of funk as fashion consultant for the ND. For more info see News. ALso, today the diabolical WWND announced a witty plan to take over hotornot.com! See here for the details...
August August 14th 2001-Raynham...
Today the ND has nothing to announce. 
Thank you.....
July 24 2001-Raynham: doom satellite-yet another frigan post....
Today the ND has yet....another...post. See the news for a full breakdown...
what you wanted a link right here like usual? nancy, mouse over the the bar on the left! and dont let me catch you mousin' around here anymore1 freaks....
July 24th 2001-Raynham: doom satellite-founder announcement, loosecannon announces...
Today the nick decided to get off his lame ass and do something. head off to a word from daddy for founder announcements...
Also today loosecannon opened up his alleged manifesto (which we all know is just mindless CRAP) to an announcement. Go for death!
July whatever the hell day it is 2001-Raynham: doom satelite (now co-located in the founders cellar!) - Nobody likes you
Today the ND is proud to state calmly and flatly and for the record, that indefinatly, nobody likes you. 
June 27 2001-Raynham: doom satelite-Promotional video
Today WWND Industries is proud to release its first promotional video! While the WWND is never once mentioned in this video, close attention and repeated 9and we do mean repeated!0 viewing may make your role fall that much more into place... 
Get the video here!
Also, no parentheses make no sense? Go to hell

June 20 2001-Raynham: doom satelite-w00t? and promotion
Today (ok, like a month ago we just never posted it) the Nick promotoed co-founder and all around nancy LOOSEcANNON to the Post of President with full hiring/firing capabilites. At this point the cannon becomes drunk with power and machine parts and goes on rampage. Ok so i'm lying again. but i did sneak in the w00t? transcript make a button and hire El Bastardo...see further down. Aha! the cannon of mass looseness would also like to know that henceforth his dictum as president speaks that around the office, THE NICK will be affectionatly called "stumpy"....
May 30 2001- Raynham: doom satellite- New layout and WWNDGIRLS- New doom layout debuts. Wait this technically happend yesterday. Nevermind.... 
OH! NEWS FLASH NEWS FLASH wait....there we go. NEWS FLASH .
fuck it! 
The WWND is embarking on a diabolical new excursion! No we're not going to make tampons. eww.
The WWND is proud to announce with pride that very soon.....WWNDGIRLS!!! yes thats right a whole section of girls wearing whatever or nothing with WWND somehow involved! Once we make a logo and some shirts we will be going around with a camera and virtually every woman (Founder: Ahem) oh sorry, every broad we see and doing whatever we have to (including getting on our knees.) to get them on film with WWND proudly displayed on their clothes. And ladies...feel free to send in your own pics from afar (hit up dirty@doomsprocket.com for info) to enter in what will be rapidly developing as a contest for the best WWNDGIRL! we'll even have prizes and two runner ups.  and you thought we didnt put out.....
May, 29 2001- raynham office - Layoffs/fireings at WWND Industries - a couple of weeks ago , or months, the nick descided to firer all non active employees in the american division, which leaves only The Nick and loose Cannon. right now your probly asking how such a large company can lay off all its employees and just keep 2, well we are just that dam good. And  you are proly asking how we can fire a co founder, see further down.