Special Message to : 6971 its 69ing with two fingers in her ass |
THiS Page engineered buy THE webnancy himself...LOOSEcANNOn. Bitch here |
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WTF? shit it does doesn't it. | ||
ADMIT NOTHING, DENY EVERYTHING, MAKE COUNTER ACCUSATIONS
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Jan14 2003-fuck my
skull im boinging-why hello there. My name is mitigant. I am here as a
newly formed subjugate of the proletariat which fiscally recre-represents
this company. On the 5th day of Autumn some weeks ago, I found myself
screaming at the top of my lungs how much the company needs an
official autocannon for the 17th or 18th time in an hour and it
suddenly hit me that not only do we take NO notice of holidays but we
dont even have a mascot! Well that my friends is about to change.
After careful consideration we have come up with the PERFECT mascot
for the nd. Thats right: a lawnmower. So the nick dubiously set out to
accomplish this task for us. somewhere along the line something went
wrong because at first he came back wearing a toga and waving THIS
flyer:
Sensing
the the nick had gotten a coat rack (in his ass of course), we got him
to break out his trusty etch a sketch and sketch a reminder for
himself and set him out upon the world again. wonderfully he came back
still clothed and with nothing in his ass, but somehow the mower part
of it became this: Maybe
it was just the nicks overall demeanor or maybe it was his sketch that
tipped them off, but someone at the mower place decided the founder
could not be trusted with a real lawnmower. The nicks sketch: Now
personally i see nothing wrong with wanting a lawnmower so that you
can run over the testicles of a post op transvestite as part of a
bizzare sex act, but they did. So instead of sending the nick out
again, we shook up his etch a sketch and left him to cry for a few
hours. On our first attempt, they gave us this guy but
frankly, whatever they said of his 'mowing' skills, he certainly didnt
give very good head and seemed awfully preoccupied with the hedge
trimmers. So we took him back and they gave us this: but
after an hour or so, no matter how much cherry
flavored anal ese the
nick used he just couldn't take the jockey's cock. and don't even tell me
you weren't imagining horse penis.
Anyways, we took back the horse (nick kind of liked the jockey's
outfit so he stayed for eyecandy) and we go this something told us we were dealing with a truly bizzare sort of saleseman. We never did figure out what that was, although at least 3 staff members tried to have sex with it (three guesses who!) so this time the tac squad was brought in. however someone let nick give them directions and they never arrived, leaving us only with empty threats. However, we eventually talked the guy into giving us an alligator
10
points if you can tell me what a lawn dart is. no comments on the
picture. you'll spoil my orgasm.
Jan 7 2003 - wow has it
been that long - "wow has it been that long for an update, wow it
has .... oh well when i come up this something ill post it but im
kinda busy with end of year and fucking my sexatary, I've had no
time to launch a war against a small company or country for that
matter. because you know paco likes boys." - The Nick ........
Nov 28 2002 - yellow snow in summer -
alright today i am annoucing the hire of 2 workers (well one is a
rehire under a different name) first the rehire is bunny ears,
she will be the press release rep for the dept of sexatary affairs
(ha!) .... (ha) ... and my new sexatary hot-pants
...(ha) .... (ha!) ok paco like boys.
Nov 7th 2002002002--lOOSEcANNON demands resluts!--[[cmon spellcheck,
that was intentional]]
Posthumous commentary from lOOSEcANNON:
"ITS LIKE A KILLER WHALE IN A DRESS!!
AND ITS DANCING??!?!!?!?!!!!!!!"
Thank you.
blow penguins.
UP! AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!
FUCK YOU COLONEL SANDERS!!!
Nov 1 2002 - cause Paco
Likes BOYS!- Today the Nick hired K-Y Sully or K-Y-S because he has a
boat and he is dead sexy. Also during this hire the nick promoted The
Irish Hooligan to first mate of the S.S.
ESS ESS STABBIN'
because of the fact that he caused K-Y-S pants to break on one boating
trip, he eliminated the enemy that was attacking a new hire, PANTS!!!!
oh yea also WWND Industries Web page version 3.0 is in the works and
close to done, i have no fucking clue what it looks like but loose has
be working out his ass muscles for some reason, its sickening, he can
crack a walnut with those things, oh yes, loose has been hard at work
for this web page upgrade so it must be good, otherwise he would be
walking around with a hard on for it , so it better be good cause I'm
sick of seeing his hard on, ah yes
thats all, so bugger off
Oct 23 2002 - The ND
strikes again - today the nick was shopping on ubid. after he placed a
bid for some midranges, suddenly he was pounced upon by a online
telemarketor(it was a live chat one too). unknown to her she was about
to venture into terra incognita ( if you dont know what that is go to
dictionary.com jackass) of what is WWND Industries!!! Click
here to see the conversation.
Sept. 23 2002 - flaming
ball of bull testies -so yes, due to the failing economy, The Nick and
LoOse Cannon decided to lend a helping hand to the failing business
out there a few months ago, plus we are board as hell, so The Nick and
LoOse searched for the business out there that was in the worst
condition out there, and we found it, Friendlys
ice cream corporation.
so we made our way to friendlys
and up to the corporate offices to lend our helping communist
hand (well it was more of a warpath to the office, artillery and all).
we went over our plans with the board of directors and upper
management which include:
1)WWND Industries
will buy Friendlys
instead of forcefully taking over (and im talking about tanks and
planes people)
2)The Nick and Loose
CanNon will personally crush all of its competitors! (with an iron
fist thanx to the insight of Stalin!)
3) John
Cutter
(president, chief operating officer, and full time nancy ) will be crucified
on the front law of the headquarters wearing a ball gown with monkeys
throwing feces at him. The crucification will be recorded and
a tape sent to every store for 2 purposes: A)
for a moral boost for all the managers and workers he screwed over
and, B) to show the sheer power and brutality of the ND (its like
killing one to show the rest what will happen if they don't comply
with our ways)
4) 149 of its 549 family
restaurants will turn into full service titie restaurants (were you
have great food served by beautiful naked wait staff, mostly women but
there will be some gay and women's nights) (also random pole dances
and midget
entertainment will occur at these establishments)
5) When business takes
off due to the help of the nd, the nd will sell the company back at a
lower price.
In the middle of the
meeting, LoOse Cannon started beating john
cutter with a
baseball bat and it gave The Nick a brilliant idea, which was that
they should crush this company From
the bottom up, inch by inch, store by store, because it would be more
fun that way!
so The Nick left (and so did Loose after he was done beating
john)
and went to a friendlys
to get lowly
grill cook jobs. so soon we will be posting our exploits, explosions
and written warnings on the site. after we got hired we
realized we shouldn't crush the company, cause it was already fucked
and doomed.
ok also sgt rebel has
been sent to a secret location (and its not arizona this time, but its
still full of sand mu hu hahahahhahahahaha) to steal oil and playbox
sand.
that's all, i sick of
typeing. also look for hyperlinks in above text if you haven't found
them already.
Aug 30 i think, 2002 -
raynham office- killer clowns and midget porn - well i really have
nothing to say, i just noticed we needed to update, so fuck off
........ fucking nuts, i long for a grapefruit
Aug11thtwenty0-2; raynham office-doomsatelite; penis as a way of life.
Today the nd would like to announce that
a member of our staff has been recently recongizned and awarded the
title of blowjob queen by an online test. We are very proud of our
sexratary
devastation.
Here at the nd, blowjob talents are always
factored in. which is the main reason for the hiring of my as yet
unnamed sexratary. well that and she has a sweet ass.
Due to my special doctoring i've personalized
our valiant staff-members honor. Hope it helps. Keep swinging for
that rainbow.
lOOSE, signing off...
oh, also also PS P-FUCKING-S!!! the nd
cares not about english major comments on grammatical mistakes, you
fuckers all get the point, unless its the nick talking and then there
isnt a point anyways. sodomy
and
lust!
Aug 4th Twenty-02; raynham orifice--doomsatelite; I am
not actually a supernova.
well, this is the loose talking, and frankly, it has
been awhile since i took my pants off and claimed this land for spain,
so having done that [in my own head. work with me people, and picture
it in your head if you want to] i have to agree with the nick there,
zombies are definatly something to fear, but mostly because you can
NEVER understand what the hell they are trying to say and then they
just get so upset at repeating themselves that they try to eat you.
which is an understandable response, i know that i often attempt to
eat my secretary. not that thats really related. anyways, on another
note, im not wearing pants, well they used to be but i tried to cut
off my feet and my aim was off and i took it off more in the shin
area, and alot of the bottom of the pants came off too so im not
really wearing pants anymore. dun dun dun, im wearing cutoffs! sorry
drea honey, im not in skivveroo's. YET. so on yet another note,
bullseyes are a damn fine candy, because they teach us to eat
bullseyes when we see them, which is why im going to target.
right, so secretly im workign on a project. this
project involes some shifting, merchandise and a redesign. unbeknowst
to the nick, but knowst to us, i even have ideas about how to go about
this nonsense. but this is where you come on. cause you see, i want
you people battle for the planet of the apes. hopefully while everyone
is outside fighting we'll be able to install plants grown at ndlabs in
all their offices without there knowledge. of course, i still hate
you.
aug 2 2002 - raynham office - Bah to pants - ok someone once
said (fucked off its 3 in the morning, i cant remember names now)
"You have nothing to fear but fear itself, " and i
have to add something to that , "you have to fear zombies, clowns
having sex and spiders more than fear, they are much fucking worse
than fear," ...... well zombie clowns having sex with big spiders
would be real scary and fucked up ....... nevermind that, too much to
handle ........... while im quoteing, a man (Dave A) once said
"beatings are not funny ..... stabbings are not funny ..... mimes
are not funny ...... but how come beating and stabbing a mime is
funny?"
july 16 2002 - ND labs pineapple of
doom = FUN!!!!!!!!!! - well inspired by Charlie Zaa (spic music for
those who have no idea who he is), well what was i saying, ...... oh
yes i will be posting some shit from my temporary employment at a
local food restaurant Friendlys (hey i need to do something on my
vacation besides my sexatary) , i will post some stuff as soon as i
can get hold of loose cannon, it hard getting a hold of him these
days, he has covered himself in K-Y
so it makes it hard to grab him, you slip right off, also he has been
in his office so much lately with his sexatary, i guess they're in
there doing "LOTS of PAPERWORK"
... i think he had a three some
with the Venus fly trap ...... never mind that .... WEYHPAH!!!!!
HA HA HA!!!!
....
oh yes "Paco
comos muchachos!!!!!!"
oh yea
Stalin says that all the firing
has lowered moral here at the ND , so we should make a forced labor
camp for the employees at his house on Saturday so that they can do
some landscaping for the good of the company and
communism.
im reviewing that as we speak, i think its a ploy to get his lawn
mowed but it is Stalin so
i have to listen, but im to lazy lately for landscaping so i will veto
that bill. i mean will all the hot unlubed anal sex with dead
chicks, my energy level has gone down to their point .... wait
nevermind that i said that ..... especially the no energy part, yes
.... fools. ... oh yea ... communism,
ok ........
July 12 2002 - i need a
monkey, super glue, a vibrator, a pair of pliers, a copy of Cosmo
........ , ok ,
in the news you see alot about corporations messing with the books and
not having honest earnings reporting, companies like Enron
and WorldCom.
unlike these corporation that cook the books and keep it a secret, we
here at The ND we fully admit to doing this, we fuck with the books
all the time, in fact, i, The Nick, are lighting some files on fire
right now, and you know what? ..... my office is on fire
......., but who care cause that means more paperwork will be destroyed
so that no one knows are real financial situation, but there is one
thing, we WWND Industries, and Enron and possibly WorldCom don't have
in common , WWND INDUSTRIES WILL NEVER FALL, we will never go
bankrupt, we will never fire a dolphin from a cannon at another
companies headquarters, its a waste of perfectly good powder and tuna
filler. so communism,
right. oh yes ,question from pen-day-ho, "is
it normal if after you have sex with a girl if she says, 'your so much
better than my father', is that ok?",
............... and also we have reports from Sgt. Rebel from his
secret location is Phoenix, Arizona.
"i have a futon, came with Asian
chick".
ok and last but
not certainly least, as president John F. Kennedy once said, "Ich
bin eine Berliner" which translated
means "I am a doughnut"
, for explanation email me.
July 4 2002 - chewable death treats - alrighty people, i have to say something, number 1 i will never understand women (always have to say that first), number 2, ill never understand popular people and number 3 ill never understand why the government throws a hissy fit when you take over a company with armored tanks you stole from a army base, i mean Christ they leave the keys in them. umm ... yes ... communism ... ok people how about some feedback, i see all these hits on the counter and not a single person has sent us an email about there thoughts on the company or any commentary. jesus fucking christ , send us something, either to loose or myself, The Nick, if its good we will post it, ok jesus fucking the holy ghost, if you dont we will find out were you all live and send our squad of sonic death monkeys to your house armed with bananas, anal lube, a cat, rope, cotton balls, two blind midgets, and an ice cream cone. ok so some feedback now. um yes ..... ok...... shit too young ...... dammit ......(::trips over plant::) .... FUCken Loose.
p.s. - GET YOUR HANDS
OFF ME YOU DAMN DIRTY APES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
june 26 - raynham office
- hahahahhahahaha - well today the nick is going on a firing spree,
yet again. well i haven't done it in a while plus i need to clean
house, so these are the people from the general staff im firing
Jizzabell
Miss fancy pants
Los loco chico
Mr taunton
Chris Lowell
and from my personal
stiffy ... i mean staff ... my sexataries
Iluvu
some broad
The reason i am fireing
the people from the general staff is they haven't done anything for
the nd lately, so they are useless to us.
The reason that im
firing my sexataries is that i need new pussy, their pussy is getting
old and i want new pussy, this might mean i wont get some for a while
but hey, it needs to be done. you gotta do what you gotta do. so now
ill be hitting up the escort service .... i mean temp agency for sex
.... i mean for administrative assistants. yes .................
pancakes!!!!!!!!!!!
oh yes to all wondering
if you will be getting severance packages ... the answer is
........... ha.....
so
........................Release the hounds!!!!!!!!!!!
that is all. oh yea
check out the staff page, stole that one from loose.
JUNE FUCKING THIRTEENTH- raynham:: doom-satelitte-
sluts sluts SaLUTTTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So today, I the cannon of looseness de mass, was
pondering handjobs and telepathy when suddenly a thunderous
idea upon came to me [la salsa de hoy].
So while i was wondering about how i could possibly [oh
i fucked that up] *be* NOT
RATED as a Heineken...that fucking beer, whatever it is called, i was
wondering and or realizing the indeffering [YES, that is NOT a word]
effect of atom bombs on micro-stellar organisms while masturbating,
and it occurred to me that i had not worn an actual pair of shoes in
months, maybe even weeks! So i said to myself "lOOSE, old buddy
old pal, young sobby jim, fellow me lad....You really aught to have
more boobs on your salary. So i decided to finally post the hiring of
my sexretary. yes, welcome 'devastation'
to our motherfucking staff! and
yes, much like our dear lamented
lack
of
luxury
trousers, she has
tits!!!
yes my dear friends,
On another note my friends, my sexretary is not
responsible for my own sexual gratification as i had already taken
care of that [i have lots of house plants!], so she will responsible
for lesbian and bi0-sexual awareness and
practice at the nd. though i believe that HUH?? is also a fan of the
girlie-crotch....but i *could be mistaken*[for a house plant]
also, to clear up any confusion, lOOSEcANNON officially
could give a rats ass if any one has an issue with our near constant reference
to many members of the staff having breasts. we cant help it if their
girls and that we [WE???-founder] like girls. well, fine then...HUH,
devastation
and me anyways like girls. the rest of you can all be a
fan of the dick [and who isnt??] all you want, but i like girls.
and i happen to like the fact that girls have breasts, mmmmhmm...if
girls didnt have breasts i dont know what i'd do. granted, i'd
certainly hope that meant that i got to have them!! but in any case,
they complement girly crotch much more than dick. not that im not a
fan of the dick. i mean!.........
um....yes so anyways
devastations duties will include
having breasts and tapping girls.
oh also,
personally, im a fan of breasts.
boobs boobs boobs.
that is all.
oh, and also also...
June 4,2002 - bitches,
new
commie song page,
written by the local commie recruiter pen-day-ho and
staff shit updated, so go to it and memorize you fucks, also founder shit updated.
May 27 -2002 - holy dog
shit!!!!!- The Nick has Opened an official products page so click
here to see the NEW PAGE!!!!!!!!! And
miss
fancy
pants
, to find the meaning of
71 go to the archives page, as soon as you find it.
May 26 - 2002-
deadly horney war monkeys - Ok, today the nick and pen-day-ho
brainstormed communist propaganda song for all you ND people out
there, we came up with many songs but the best were Red
Christmas and a
communist culture club song - Comea
comea Capitalist.
to see the lyrics go to the news page (they will be on the page as
soon as i feel like posting it), Also the founder birth date is
coming up, so worship it, the official date is June 2, so on this date
at 8:06 pm all members of the ND and Loyal Followers must stop what
there doing and crush something in the name of communism
and The ND, for The Nick's and Stalin
sake. yes and also during the Nicks Vacation he picked up a job
at a local food restaurant called Friendlys and he will be
posting shit from his time spent at the God Forsaken company, like an official
write up and a quiz, and boy is it great, oh ya, the nick has given sgt.
rebel and
official project (since he is now part of THe ND USA division, he
still runs NDUk but
since he is secret satellite location (Arizona)
is officially in North America and not in Europe, he falls under the
clause of the Nd
code book section 6971: paragraph 96: verses 69- 71
which states: "By
which the
monkey flows thought the pants of the non believers, the grasshopper
shall rise and the Spiders shall die. Which the man in the tux or the penguin
of the sonic death machine will sound the trumpet of the apocalypse,
to which only the birds of the southwest region of Kanawha and the members
of the ND shall hear. They will ask question that if the founder has
lost his marbles and all that he says is gibber gabba, should his
words be taken seriously? The answer to that question shall be that
the founder has all power because he is the chosen one from the
almighty jebus, so his words is good and final and he can do what he
feels like."
now
if that makes any sense to you, good for you, but basically who cares,
the project is that sgt
rebel will become
the official mullet
hunter, his duties
are to search, track , discover, hunt, kill and mount all mullets that
he may find to be the best mullets out there.. that is all
May 9- 2002 - raynham
office,well welll well- update shit like founder announcements and
staff and latest news.
April-loosecannon-doom
office
Yaaar, i am a happy
cabbage.
Yaar.
[that is all.]
April something - dogma
and jesus fish fight with the deadly tittie fairy - ok the nick had officially
opened a sexual harassment page, explaining sexual harassment , and
stuff with the company, click here to view
the policies, that is all.
April 23, 2002 - Raynham
office - The Nick Returns from vacation - Today the nick returns from
vacation, and does some hireings, i hired sescarny, jizzabell (aka
lizzytish),
some broad, Mr. taunton(aka da atomic avanga dude),
Chris Lowell (aka Ritchie the five OOOO), Los locos chico (aka Daniel
Son), and pen-day-hoe (aka adam), only one of these people have filled
out an application, jizzabell, so she gets to be the vice president of
stuff, and also she gets to have an assistant, miss fancy pants,
because she didnt fill out an application, so we did it spite her
...... ha ..... , go to the news section for a clip of the interview
with jizzabell. also go to the staff section to see the official
tities ..... i mean titles
April 22 2002 - Raynham
orifice....... oh wait ...... office - FIRE BREATHING AMAZEMENT
- today the nick discovered something AMAZING, he has a friend who
breaths fire and and uses his head as a pincushion, and he is available
for private shows!!!!!!!! the link for his web site is www.sescarny.com
so i urge everyone to go there, its
amazing, its so amazing the nick is hiring him for the nd, cause
we need people like, this just go to the site and you will realize the
awesomeness of this stuff, pretty soon you will have a button for this
shit, well in other news, BLAH returned from Mexico but with no widgets, but with a tattoo, of 2
cherries placed in a very cock teasing spot ( when she showed it to
the founder, the founder thought he was going to see the V , but to
his disappointment all he saw was her cherry, or cherries, whatever, i
could care less about the tattoo, all i care about is seeing the pooooty
poo) so the founder just went back to taking gibberish and saying
repeatedly .... debbia .... debbia? ....... debbia
........, oh yes Sgt Rebel is on his way to the unknown location
of the new nduk site, we received on transmission from him and as i
quote;
"Mullets
.......... MULLETS!!! everywhere....... she
mullets......... he mullets ......... Everywhere!!!!!,
where are their teeth ...... oh god where am I !?!?!? nascar
pillows, nascar everything!!!!!"
After using
advance government tracking programs, we found his location, he was in
a Wal-Mart in Tennessee. ok that is all, gotta go masturbate to
NAKAMICHI!!!!!!!!
April
20 2002 - raynham office - the nick finally came back to his office -
well today i dropped by the office, i think i was lost or some shit,
and i did some work too, the t-shirt project is underway, we found a
way to get t-shirts, with no upfront cost, not that that matters cause
we are such a awesome fucking business so we decided to help this poor
company out and let them make our t-shirts for a while, i have
basic promotional shit now made but i have to go over the plans with
loose before releasing it to the public, oh yea my sexatary has
something to say to the public (her offical ND color is green)
........ umm Hi?........ well
i guess that's all she has to say, not that much of a talker but she
is a looker (beautiful fucking tits man!!!!!), that's why i
hired her (mainly the tits
part), oh
yes on Sunday April 14, the ND banished
BLAH to mexico, and if your wondering why? well cause we felt like it( it
amused at least me) and for her to smuggle large quantities of widgets
across the border, also the nick banished his sexatary to Florida
last weds for an all expense paid (by her) vacation and research
project, the project details will be released as soon as i figure out
what it was( i think it had something to do with her tits,
illegal acquisition of the prized rectangle cloths issued by the maid
staff at the institution of temporary housing at which she was
stationed at, an ape suit, and to bring me the head of Mickey
mouse second cousin Debbie).
that is
all..............................
April 18 2002-Raynham office-doom
satellite-scandal at the ND
Today shocking allegations were lodged
against key members of the ND staff. In comment to the concern that
lOOSEcANNON hired "miss
fancy pants"
based
largely
on the fact that she had breasts, the cannon of mass looseness was
quoted as saying,
"Yaar, tis a
sailor's life for me!"
He then continued on
with several more "Yaar" and "Aar" noises and
finished with a merry jig and utterances about protecting the
precious cargo of hot pants. He was last seeing running with one leg
held stiffly and yelling about his quest for an eyepatch.
In other news, the
nick was questioned about his possession of random unintelligible
space hussies who follow him around and look pleadingly into his
eyes while wearing only loincloths made of animal skin. He replied
by stating "huh? what? nova??!" and then became excited
and disoriented and had to go wire something before wetting himself.
lOOSEcANNON, still in the midst of random pirate screaming with
cardboard taped around one leg [including hastily scrawled 'wood grain'
on its surface] muttered something in broken pirate english about
the planet of the apes and sexretaries. Later on this sailor
mutterings were decoded by Jill, who said "huh? oh, i think he
said it was nicks sexratary dressed up like that chick from planet
of the apes. OOOH! SHINY!!!!"
In the end, it
appears, as usual, Only WWND INDUSTRIES wins.
Thank you.
April 13 2002 -
vacation office, on the planet of the apes - "get your hands
off me you dam dirty apes!!!!!" dun dun dun, well people, how
are we (Hawaii , im suppose to be in California, well gotta get
going then) yes today the nd has some shit to announce i
guess, well the first thing is that NDUK
is now going to be run from a satellite location somewhere in the
Arizona desert, from a secret Arizona base( just south of phoenix i
think), for reasons undisclosed to the general public (cause the
beer is better could be one thing), secondly the founder is
surrounded by crazy bitches (fitting isn't it, founder= crazy, crazy
bitches around founder, you attract you own kinds i guess,) and
thirdly former employee miss fancy pants admits to doing anal (or at
least that's what the founder heard), fourthly, co founder tang (who
has been fired twice) has been given a project, and maybe if he does
a good job he will be hired again, fifthly, the founder has gained
access to a very small refrigerator, its amazing, it can only hold a
can of coke and a candy bar, but it is amazing, and last, but not
probably the last thing, is big red isnt with the company anymore,
he has been sold by it rightful owner (that bastard) so that the
rightful owner could by a 2002 F-250, but dont fear, we have stolen
the new truck for our company, but it has no name yet so we wont
post it. also the founder has hired the Irish Hooligan again,
because we now have women working for the company (frankly amazing
if you ask me) we need a male with (::cough::) sensitive (::cough::)
feeling (::cough::) representing their needs. ha
oh yea do go look into
the other pages for updates on this new shit, im to lazy to do it
now.
April 12, 2002- raynham
office: doom satellite- buttsex
Today the nd would like
to announce that it has not made an update lately.
Thank you.
March 20,2002 - vacation
office - the nick would like to announce one thing, sgt. rebel got the
clap, yes the clap, that is all.
::clap:: hahahaha
March 16th 2002-raynham: doom satellite-lOOSEcANNON's dominance;
Opening of new industry
Today the ND is PROUD to announce the
opening of a new industry and a hiring! Yes, today, the ND, the only
company with the fortitude to deny employee benefits has opened an
AMAZING new division. The nd would also like to point out it hired a
couple people for this new division, but currently is listening to far
too much black metal to have the focus to tell you as our minds are on
nothing but medieval battle. woo.
March 16th 2002-raynham: doom
satelite-lOOSEcANNON's dominance;
firings
Today the ND decided it need to fire
everyone. That's right you bastards, NINE FUCKING PEOPLE.
news.
March 16th 2002-raynham: doom
satelite-lOOSEcANNON's dominance;
hirings
Today the ND decided to hire some
people...
see news for full details
Mar 9th 2002- raynham: doom satellite-
LOOSeCAnNON's dominance; big things afoot.
Today the WWND would like to report that
lOOSEcANNON once again returned to active duty has assumed full
control of the ND. There are big things afoot. More later. Must
prophesize and construct tethers for upcoming project assimilation and
erudition. boner lines.
March 4 2002 - the nick
reports from vacation - well im reporting from vacation because i
realized we need a update and loose hasn't got off his lazy ass to do
one, also i have word from sgt . rebel on stuff he wants me to put on
the page, so im just going to cut an paste the message he sent (because
im on vacation and i dont feel like doing that much besides my
sexatary) i have edited the message slightly.
"Alright,
you can make an update to the page about NDUK now. Seeing as how I am
moving back to AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh, shit, sorry.... got off
track, you can say that the feds have been cracking down on us
for the Cambodian slave trade ring that is going on and is
moving to a new satellite location that is undisclosed at this time
(arizona).
make sure you include that those bastards will never catch Sgt. Rebel
and his band of... um, shit.... I don't know anybody... well himself
on his wild and crazy journeys through europe on his journey to find
the best pint of beer, and get some business for the company.... but
after sampling many pints, then by the time it gets down to business I
am either completely shitfaced and making an ass of myself or passed
out with my ass hanging out of my shorts and my NDUK tattoo exposed to
the world.... or did I just forget to wipe... fuck... I don't know...
DAMN YOU BOWELS!!! DAMN YOU!!!
I don't know where this is going but pull some of my stuff for the update... I think it came out alright. K dude, that is all from here. I have to get to work Erp"
ok now im going to go
back to doing my sexatary so fuck off cause im on vacation.
feb 19 2002 - The
ND 's annaversary
- ahh memories. it was one year ago when the nd's first website was launched.
this was back in the day when i the founder, the nick, was running the
whole show, everyone else was not doing shit, they were sitting back
as i was planning who to make the business the great business it is
now, not everyone understood the nd at he time, but i had a clear
vision and the time to execute my plans (let me tell you i had lots of
time, especially after i ran that marathon) .... (just fucken wit ya,
i dont run, i pay people to run for me) well, it was a great time, now
look at us today, this great website (thanks to loose, that
bastard) 10 workers ( but only 2 are doing any work, beside my
sexatary, but thats a completely different type of work), and people actually
visiting the web site ( we think, it could be the same person just
coming to us all the time, giving us the hits because they feel bad
for us, well fuck you then you bastard) ....um ... were was i
... i don't know dammit....... well today loose cannon will be coming
back from leave, and i will be leaving for vacation, I'mgoing on
vacation because im not funny anymore, look at my last posts, they
suck. i have worked so hard to bring this business to were it is and i
.... need a vacation, cause i have lost all funniness (i personally
think i should be shot but my secretary has a problem with that, and
so does blah ,
bitch, do you believe it, she had the nerve to turn down a position at
the nd, then she wanted to work for us, but the nd refused her, no
matter how big her tits are, and let me tell you people they are
mighty big, if you saw them you would want to grab them, YA HERE THAT
BLAh No MATTER HOW BIG YOUR TITS
ARE
..........were am i going with this ........... well i don't fucken
know .... i guess the ideas of her tits distracted me ..... oh well
....... ) so today i am leaving for vacation (actually you know what i
was just thinking, i should retire , even though the nd is my life and
my everything, besides Alicia {referring to my car} - all those who
think i should retire cause i suck email thenick@wwnd.com)
well im going to grab my secretaries ass and then im going to kidnap
her .... i mean invite her to go on vacation with me so .......ok bye
ya'll and maybe i might see you all later, or maybe not if i die in
some horrible plane crash, or get killed just driving to get a coffee,
or if you fuckers want me to retire, well fuck you dammit, i'm
leaving ...... oh yea, i updated the founder announcements.
Feb 18 2002 - Translator
drone and sexpants
Today the WWND is proud
to announce that despite dictionary.com's cunning attempt to unlock
our top-secret "Spanish" and "french" code (and
NO, dammit, the french will NOT get a capitalized first letter), they
have been foiled. Plus! be sure to look for the feb 11th post
translations as well! The revelations their translations fortell is
almost as amusing as the fact the "feb 11th" update occured
on the 13th. For in depth coverage of this late breaking story, click here.
Also, today the WWND is
extremely proud to unleash its latest invention! This latest tool,
previously only available to women, is now available on...well, women.
But never mind that. Technically a man could make use of these
too....umm....just in a different...err....way. yes....
YES! TODAY THE ND
DISCOVERED THE SECRETS OF THE "SEXPANTS"! [and
dammit jill is already wearing them...]
thankyou.
Feb 14 2002 - happy
hallmark day..... i mean ..... happy Russell Stovers day..... i mean
... ahhh fuck it - well today is national lets celebrate hallmark
day, which means we are 5 days away from THE ND FIRST ANNIVERSARY.
today the nick might get off his lazy ass and solicit sex ..... i
mean workers. also get ready of the big surprise for the celebration
of THE ND's first anniversary. it will be great. So break out those
party hats, underage prostitutes, drugs/booze, and the STALIN
FISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!,
also the nick has
hired a sexatary, i mean secretary, ya her name is Iluvu, or she
also goes by the name of nice ass. her real name she stole from the
founder transportation so we had to rename her. this make no sense,
me cave man , ha grunt grunt, woooo huuuuu tities hahahahahahahaha
Feb 11 2002- deep
cover reports from the field-Today loosecannon provided covert
reports from the field! note this is all in deep cover SPANISH
encoding. note also that those bastards at dictionary.com have
stolen our technology and posted translation equipment on their
website! THEY WILL BE CRUSHED!
Hago de hecho que
los venis vuelen el desvío! Es el más excelente. habla con mí y
sostiene me y cuidados, pero el oh las cosas que dice sobre PATTON!
también, las prostitutes del underage son que animan lo más.
Espero demolerlos por 6-6:30 en más último que me traen un nuevo
redondo cada otra hora, generalmente seises al mismo tiempo!
desgastan la ropa interior linda del brite del arco iris, y alguna
de ellas incluso tienen colas del cerdo! amenacé uno de los pequeños
bashi-bazooks con un hierro nueve el otro bastardo del día
intentado para pegar una vela encima de mi asno! respondí con
pegarlo encima el suyo de la muchacha pobre del curso ella didnt
como él cuando encendí los 12 de ellos... licencia encima pronto!
tan pronto como éstos carguen los dispositivos de la pérdida
desgasten apagado, yo le digan no tuviera ninguna idea GNC vendiera
tales contaminantes nocivos como cottons. oxy pero él dice él hace
que usted pierde el peso tan rápidamente! él era reccomended
altamente... por el hombre en el departamento de la flor que parada
del wouldnt que sacudare cuando él me vendió el desvío de la
mosca del venus que traje más adelante detrás y comí una ha!
brillante!
loosecannon then
proceeded to add in new top-secret FRENCH encoding:
Supplément:
Le fondateur doit continuer à s'appeler courtaud. C'est la seule
voie de mettre à jour le secret tolal sur sa mission prochaine à
Mars. BAISE! je veux dire que... le fondateur de.no....the n'va pas
extraterrestre... aucun.......shit! aussi, si le SAM lit, le SAM EST
PATTON! merci - canon lâche, employé profond de couverture dans
division de sous-vêtements de fille de piège de venus la petite
please note that you will be all killed. thankyou...
feb 11 2002 - i have no title for this - well today the nick updated the founders section and added a new part to the mottos section. check it out. (just saying I'm not giving you a link, go get off your lazy ass and click something) also loose cannon still hasn't announced the time when he will comeback to work, i have a feeling its all those underage prostitutes and the Venus fly trap, DAM YOU VENUS FLY TRAP, PUTTING ALL THAT PROPAGANDA INTO HIS HEAD.
oh ya FEB 19 is THE ND's anniversary
date so mark you calendars and get ready ...... or die.
feb 7 - raynham office- Jesus Vs.
a shitload of drunken monkeys -
**************most of
this update erased by the founder cause it was so fucken
stupid************ except for the title
feb 6 2002 - raynham
office- chocolate chip sour cream with extra caffeine - The Nick (aka
me ) is proud to announce that i have masturbated ...... i mean master
the art of ............ wait, before that i have something to tell
you, it funny ,its real dirty ...... wait ......... actually i wont
tell you cause you cant handle it (shot out to Brooke, see even on my
web page i can aggravate you so HA).......(oh ya, if all our great
regular visitors are wondering who this shady blah
character is, she is a girl . Blah thinks she is too good to come to this web
page, but her logic has one major flaw, SHE WILL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS
THE ND,(if she has already realized this and came to the page i expect
commentary). also i have been contacted by loose and he is thinking
about coming back from leave, he says all the rest, the extreme
abundance of underage prostitutes, and the acquisition of a Venus fly
trap has set his head straight and he might come back sooon.
jan 30 - raynham
office - interior decorating and nut itch - well today the nick receive
a letter from richie the five OOOOOOOOO saying he liked interior
decorating, so the nick has decided to well........ um i don't fucken
know i just notice that there were a good amounts of hits on the page
lately and i figure we need an update so, um ... well.....guess what ,
i got to give Alicia a good bath yesterday, broke out the lambs wool
and doushed her good, i washed her very gently so i would not hurt
her, gently caressing every curve on her body, i used the purple nice
smelling soap. then i did a quick wax. then i put the tire gloss on,
god i like washing my car, hey ..... wait a minute .........
what did you think i was talking about ...
perverts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh ya we hired Da, Atomic Avenga dude,
and he is single (another one like sgt. reble, using the ND for a
Personal AD) check the staff page and vehicles page for updates. also
i have hidden a secret message somewere on this site, the color of the
message is in preformance green, and not it not at the bottem of the
page ... dickweed ... email thenick@wwndindustries.zzn.com
when you find it.
Jan -20- raynham office - new hire and
other shit - well today the nd has hire a new person RICHIE THE FIVE
OOOOOOOOO. yes and we have a secret picture of him, go to the staff
page for more info. and the nick thinks he has found his secretary but
now he ................ has nothing to say cause he dont feel funny.
bastards.
Jan 18: raynham orifice: doom-satelite:The most
important post of the WWND history; updated contact; hiring.
lOOSEcANNON reporting from leave:
the WWND has received an official transmission from one
of its subjects. Please see our news page [on the left bar wormy] for
this momentous occasion. Also, the ND now has @wwnd.com email addy's.
WOO!
and we bought the bullet and hired
MIKEFUCK.
yes, we bought THE bullet. its all fancy and
hollow-point and everything! woo!
how hiring mikefuck was related to buying THE bullet is
still an amazement to us. an amazement that we cannot explain. fuck
you.
Jan 14 - Raynham office
- nothing funny to say, updated founder announcement, staff, loose
cannon interview, vehicles and main page. now back to masturbation. ::flap::flap::flap::
Jan
13 2002, Raynham office, no title - today the founder was checking his
mail and got a couple business email (which is fucking amazing because
it was under his non business account, aka personal porn mail account
cause thats the only mail i get under it cause its fucken aol and
wait, I'm ranting, never mind, well um back to the newz) ok i the nick
got 2 shocking mails and one announcement. The first shocking one is
that the nduk wants a update for his staff, he hired someone and his
current employee has added positions (besides doggystyle). check staff
for update. second is that i can cut my bills into one low monthly
payment, fucken great! i've needed this for sooooooooooooo long. the announcement
came from loose cannon, who is thinking of taking a unpaid
leave. check the newz section for story. also chem x halo has been
fired, the reason is my back fucken kills and i feel firing someone. actually
i feel like going on a firing spree but i know that never
works out, cause then i have to go through that fucken rehiring shit.
fuck my back kills. man, so ... what else ...... well ...... um....
nevermind ,fuck ya'll, my back kills to much to care .... ahh ya check
around the site i have added new pics and shit
Jan 02 2002-raynham office: doom satelite--wwnd girl
entry rules changed; jill gets more titles; a word from lOOSEcannON.
Today the ND proudly announces it has made its specs
for the wwnd girl submission even easier, just send us a picture. as
long as your female, and you have a picture, youre in. And newly hired
jill now has the audacious task to headmistress the judging, so
thats right, we're being all fair and impartial. not just 2 guys who
never get any judging, now a woman who impersonates the founder better
than ronald r. himself is here to assist. woohoo.
[see more jill titles on the staff info button]
Today the ND is pleased to have lOOSEcANNON back in
the lineup with a post on his feelings on dodge products and their
repeated association with idiots AND his would-be attackers. See the manifesto.
P.S. who
is climbing your hill, Jill?
ok ya and by order of
The Nick (l oose caNnOn dont even know about this ,till now
..... ) we have forcefully hired you, cause we need a woman working
here, also you may find out your positions (other than the ones your
use to) on the staff page also your new name, unless you want to
change it. hummmm what is you jobs .... lets see, just go to staff
info bar and from there it should be easy ................... maybe
.............. unless you can hardly see the screen cause you so
fucken tired ... get some sleep, your gonna need it with this third
job.
An Official Address from
Sergeant Rebel... YES, HE IS IN AMERICA RIGHT NOW!
A little note to "H.U.H.?"
from Sergeant Rebel... if you ever wanted to... experience what is on
the other side of the matrix... without sunglasses, cell phones
and a name like Keanu, feel free to contact me at my official
address, make sure you use my full title "President, CEO, and
Founder of NDUK " and try to include a naked picture, if possible
in a very, very, very compromising position.
Signed,
"Never use nair on
you nuts or nipples"
done in performance red,
for a reason. offical update color of sgt, rebel.
Note from The Nick: it
is official, The ND is officially a service to help Sgt. Rebel pick up
chicks. Check out the NDUK
Homepage if you have any doubts, trust me you won't.
Note
numero Dose (that number 2 in .... never mind) : this update was done
in the usual pattern of nd updates , half asleep and horney
(shot out to sgt. rebel). wait ......
noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo............ ive lost my
({[[[{ transmission cut out }}}}}))))))))
November 23rd
2001-raynham-doom satellite, site navigational updates
Today the ND has
unleashed the beginnings of the .2 web project. This is merely
carryover tech until we finish out exactly what the site redesign will
consist of. It just may look more like a real business instead of this
crap and will include a internal WWND forum and a full agent for
this contest nonsense. oh, speaking of WWND girl, WHERE THE HELL ARE
THE ENTRIES PEOPLE???!
November 6th 2001-rayham office ,
update done by the nick, wow,- well I the nick have got up off my lazy
ass and started fucking a young but luscious big boobs virgin slut. (oh
wait that's not i wanted to say .... shut up already .... fuck you ....
no fuck you ........ just die .... if i do your coming with me sheep
fucker ..... wait why are we typing this ...... im not PSYCHO )
well i updated the stock section so look at it and i update a bit more
the staff page. so click over there cause i aint linking you . i dont
know about any of this shit. well i also have some ideas and oh yea,
is she illegal, well ill hire her as a secretary, well
also check the news page. oh ya this update was done in performance
yellow.
<made slightly more 'legible' and
'understandable' by loose...the nick has NO fucking idea what he's
talking about!>
November 2nd 2001-raynham: doom
satellite-Interview, Updated staff
Today the ND updated its staff page,
and published a first ever interview with looseCANNON! Click ..>_____<
for details....
October 21st 2001-raynham: doom
satellite-new office; Ex-communicated; anti-pants movement; WWND
GIRLS!!!!
Yes, today, after months [or weeks.
we'll take weeks.] of silence, the ND is proud to announce that the ND
has opened a new orifice, er..., office. Also, finally!!!
status updates and action provided his cannon of mass looseness on the
various topics of ex-communicated, the anti-pants movement, and
WWND GIRLS!!!
Hit up the news page for complete details...
September 6th 2001-raynham: doom
satellite-something
Something, somewhere, on the website
has been updated. FIND IT!
we dare you.
August 20th 2001-raynham: doom
satellite-overthrow hotornot.com, hiring announced...
Today the WWND would like to announce that it has hired the fearless Chemical Halo, goddess of funk as fashion consultant for the ND. For more info see News. ALso, today the diabolical WWND announced a witty plan to take over hotornot.com! See here for the details...
August
August 14th 2001-Raynham...
Today
the ND has nothing to announce.
Thank
you.....
July 24 2001-Raynham: doom
satellite-yet
another frigan post....
Today the ND has
yet....another...post. See the news for a full breakdown...
what you wanted a link right here
like usual? nancy, mouse over the the bar on the left! and dont let me
catch you mousin' around here anymore1 freaks....
July
24th 2001-Raynham: doom satellite-founder announcement, loosecannon
announces...
Today
the nick decided to get off his lame ass and do something. head off to
a word from daddy for founder announcements...
Also
today loosecannon opened up his alleged manifesto (which we all know
is just mindless CRAP) to an announcement. Go
for death!
July whatever the hell day it is
2001-Raynham: doom satelite (now co-located in the founders cellar!) -
Nobody likes you
Today the ND is proud to state
calmly and flatly and for the record, that indefinatly, nobody likes
you.
June
27 2001-Raynham: doom satelite-Promotional video
Today
WWND Industries is proud to release its first promotional video! While
the WWND is never once mentioned in this video, close attention and
repeated 9and we do mean repeated!0 viewing may make your role fall
that much more into place...
Get
the video here!
Also,
no parentheses make no sense? Go to hell
June 20 2001-Raynham: doom satelite-w00t? and promotion
Today (ok, like a month ago we just
never posted it) the Nick promotoed co-founder and all around nancy
LOOSEcANNON to the Post of President with full hiring/firing
capabilites. At this point the cannon becomes drunk with power and
machine parts and goes on rampage. Ok so i'm lying again. but i did
sneak in the w00t? transcript make a button and hire El Bastardo...see
further down. Aha! the cannon of mass looseness would also like to
know that henceforth his dictum as president speaks that around the
office, THE NICK will be affectionatly called "stumpy"....
May 30 2001- Raynham: doom satellite- New layout and
WWNDGIRLS- New doom layout debuts. Wait this
technically happend yesterday. Nevermind....
OH! NEWS FLASH NEWS FLASH wait....there we go.
May,
29 2001- raynham office - Layoffs/fireings at WWND Industries - a
couple of weeks ago , or months, the nick descided to firer all
non active employees in the american division, which leaves only
The Nick and loose Cannon. right now your probly asking how such a
large company can lay off all its employees and just keep 2, well
we are just that dam good. And you are proly asking how we can
fire a co founder, see further down.
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