ADMIT
NOTHING, DENY EVERYTHING, MAKE COUNTER ACCUSATIONS
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THE LOOSEcANNON
Manifesto:
I am officially at this point under orders to have an
ego. as part of this new duty I, your infinite superior, have the
following dictum due to my new position of power:
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Around the office the nick is to be referred to
affectionately as "stumpy".
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If El Bastardo doesnt get the anti-pants movement
going complete with flyers by fall he's fired.
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A new project to create WWND armbands will be
commenced.
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Soon the WWNDGIRL project will swing into action.
LOOSEcANNON, your would-be lover (HA! like i'm that gay), will
personally defy all laws of physics to make this happen.
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Yes, I will personally be DEFYING all laws of
physics.
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Stop staring. Its impolite and gets you killed
faster.
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A new taskmaster posistion will be opening. Until
someone suitable is hired i will cover the position (ha! like i dont
have 30 jobs already..) [I DONT WANT 30 POSISTIONS! well maybe not
all at once...] The task of this taskmaster to unite a band of
roving idiots to be WWND Industries official ex-communicated squad.
They will be given innovative tasks to perform on the behalf of
INDUSTRY! SCIENCE AND TEcHNOLOGY! and record their exploits in
gripping detail in the form of logs, pictures and video tape.
Voluteers for the ex-communicated squad may email
me and your name will be logged. Your first task: Demoralize
crustaceans.
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Damned if i know what 8 is. I thought you
knew?....
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From this point on 30% of all company profits
will be donated to the buy the founder and F-350 charity fund. This
fund is publicly known as the "Make stumpy feel bigger
fund" under the grand slogan of "saving a un-endowed man
from certain midget porn!"
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from this point on, and i MEAN THIS POINT > .
<
standard parentheses by all WWND staff are herby replaced by
"9" and "0". FOr the less intelligent staff
members, when typing dont press shift!
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Lamentably, due to the total inability of ANYONE
to navigate the simple task of DOING LESS and not pushing the shift
key when typing parentheses I have modified rule 10 to use brackets
instead. []<<<brackets. Below the plus [+] and minus [-]
keys nimrods! and still dont press shift! else we'll have {} running
around!
FUCK INSURANCE
COMPANIES. EVERY...CHANCE..YOU...GET.
and after that
diabolical opening I must state the announced:
The ex-communicated
squad has its first member!!
WOOHOO! Capt. Adventure, the pointy one-armed deviant of misanthropic
sex games and backround deviance was hired as ex-communicated DEATH
SQUAD LEADER. His pay is nothing and he doesnt get an office. Welcome to
the team! his first job is of course the above-mentioned DEMORALIZE
CRUSTEACENS. DAMMIT! THEY
MUST BE STOPPED!!!!
Also, I would like to note I've changed my
official title, as I am no longer only in charge of web goodness....
er...goodness. right. TERM USED LOOSELY.
I, yes, I [thats lOOSEcANNON to YOU, wormy. ]
today am back to report that the recent attempt on my life was not a
total failure. while i, as usual, survived completely unscathed the
vicious assassination attempt made on me by yet another idiotic dodge
driver [wait! everyone in dodge's are idiots. never mind.], it was not
just another spiritual triumph for the ND over the failure that is the
dodge motor company. No, the mighty have fallen from this brash,
desperate attempt. That is right. The almighty Hudson herself was lost, totaled
in an unfair fight. Poor Hudson, the sweet bitch never had a chance.
No you, loyal WWND subject, may be wondering how a lowly chrysler
product could possibly hurt the wonder that was the grandsport, it is
the matter of the attack that makes this so sickly believable. While
stopped , allowing a trackless trolley to load on more passengers while
the way home from yet another late-running founders meeting, the
attacker came behind at nearly 40 miles an hour and rammed the rear of
the cofounders stunning vehicle, pushing it forward into the bus a car
length and a half away before speeding off and attempting to evade
capture briefly. When the attacker saw that lOOSEcANNON was out of the
vehicle and unaffected by the accident finally gave in and stopped a
hundred or so yards up the way. The ND as a whole mourns this loss of
such a touted vehicle, at the hands of such dastardly, poorly driven and
assembled trash. In particular, lOOSE cANNON himself had this to say,
"This latest futile attack on a WWND members
life has brought to a point an oversight in our godlike accension to the
top. Yes, we, the ND, have tolerated the infinitesimal thrashing of this
degradation of american vehicles to go on for far too long. This has
been logged on the list of things to do. Dodge will be crushed."
tHIS (yes meandering
bullshit) is the sum of all its parts and your fault in general.
Everyday is the same. Its always the same. but not today..no not today.
[dons astronaut helmet]
Today i go for the gusto....
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