Special Message to Colonel Sanders:
We are *not* going to buy your chicken, so quit looking at us with those WEE BEADY EYES!!!
THiS Page engineered buy THE webnancy himself...LOOSEcANNOn. Bitch here
|Now put that in your crack pipe and smoke it!|
ADMIT NOTHING, DENY EVERYTHING, MAKE COUNTER ACCUSATIONS
Alicia- founders pimp-ass station wagon; dept of looking sexy.
COMMIESCORT- 1st official vehicle of spreading communist propaganda, head commie vehicle, wanna be pickup truck, offical WWND Industries race car (rallies, Nascar, tour de france, etc) (yes tour de france! we entered the scort in a bike race)
Samantha- Meatjack; Peon Intimidation; Set for Army man warfare; Victimizer of the deformed. [please note that sam is currently on the disabled list SEE BELOW]]
The Civic - chaotic city driving, economical packy runs
Jamie- Peasant intimidation
DEATH TRUCK- METAL!!!![!!]!
Boomer- Noise disturbance; commie propaganda dispersement
Speed Stratus- *Speed* demon; 4-cylinder powerhouse; economical, fast tackboard transactions
RACE SNARK!!!!!!/RALLY SNARK!!!(!!!)!- The van from hell; certain doom for opposing drivers in versatile package; 220 horsepower of retard pulling power!; Is above law.
The Bronc: Dept. of Moving; Intimidation; Uncaring festooning of philanthropy
A.C.- 3 liters of ford fury!; Dept. of Emergency vehicle; Department of OPG (Other People's Gas)
Sonic BOOM- the fast and the furiously ........ yellow!!!!!!!!!!!!! head vehicle of the dept of air relocation and dept of air disturbance. SONIC BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jimmy's Mustang (the equivocally termed, 'eleanor'): Dept. of making the founders laugh; Ridiculous Incorporated.
LAND STABBY!@! - Dept of transporting the S.S. ESS to various locations, Dept of shipping and handling little sisters, dept of shipping (general) IT also called SVTT
KYSVT - First member of the Stabbin vehicles team. dept of getting slutty bitches.
The Blazer - dept of being fucken METAL!!!!!!!
Big Red (stolen back, see below) - heavy duty shipping truck, a commie truck
S.S. ESS ESS STABBIN' [S.S. ESS ESS S] [li'l stabbin for short]- Dept of shipping - aqua division, Multifunctional floating utensil, Dept of trying to pick up chicks cause we have a boat. also called the SVTB
Vehicle Divisions page click here .....
Samantha- Meatjack; Peon Intimidation; Set for Army man warfare; Victimizer of the deformed. [please note that sam is currently on the disabled list]
Ok, one day the founder was thinking that we need to get big red back as one of the nd vehicles. so he called up K.Y. Sully and they hopped in the kysvt (so the speed factor and to hopefully pick up some slutty bitches on the way) to go down to Rodman ford to take the truck back for The ND. so under the cover of daylight (it was quite a sunny day.) and broke/drove into the Rodman parking lot. while ky was distracting the salesman with his back street boyish looks the nick scoured the parking lot of big red. then he found him and hotwired him. then he drove out of the parking lot like a bat out of hell running over anything that got in his way. then ky hopped in the kysvt and screwed out of the parking lot. and thats how we got it back. oh yea buttsex.
Former Vehicle (they are dead)
Bucky - dept of loose electrical parts (mainly battery), test vehicle for tack welding bass shaker to the floor board and bolting them to the frame..
Butch - Head retarded vehicle. dept off jerry rigging.
Rick - founders pickup truck, department of shipping.
Melissa- Damn good lookin'; Dept. of making the founders life an utter, living, hell and stealing his money, bitch. Endless source of prize stuffed animals, and coke cans; christmas tree replacement. The endless master cylinder taunt victim.
Moaning bear - company limo
Hudson - high class company limo
Jimmy the hammer; 2nd-degree burns jimmy-The honda of DOOM! DOOM I TELL YOU!!!; burner of peasants
Chastity-Demon diestroyer; charcoal sapien death; anemotron
Craptacular- For hitting things (what its a dodge product), puts the crap in craptacular!
Miss yet to be named sable, craptacular's replacement
For the grammatically challenged:
A string or garland, as of leaves or flowers, suspended in a loop or curve between two points.
A representation of such a string or garland, as in painting or sculpture.
tr.v. fes·tooned, fes·toon·ing, fes·toons
To decorate with or as if with festoons; hang festoons on.
To form or make into festoons.
phi·lan·thro·py (f-lnthr-p) n. pl. phi·lan·thro·pies
The effort or inclination to increase the well-being of humankind, as by charitable aid or donations.
Love of humankind in general.
Something, such as an activity or institution, intended to promote human welfare.
Open to two or more interpretations and often intended to mislead; ambiguous. See Synonyms at ambiguous.
Of uncertain significance.
Of a doubtful or uncertain nature.
And finally, we were going to steal the ex-co-founder's vehicle, Nikki, but decided her only function was as a bitch; and frankly we have enough of those around here. Dont we, El Bastardo?
Please note that half these vehicles are kept from old employee's or in the case of big red, downright stolen from someone who never even worked here. Vindictive bastards, aint we?
special note on craptacular...yes, its true. Craptacular is no longer with is. And we stole big red without ever hiring its owner, but dammit, thats besides the point. [and keeping everyone who we fired cars is besides the point too?] Dammit, yes! Onward, craptacular, with its final reject sticker is no longer with us. But all is not lost! for this shiny example of how to bollocks a vehicular engineering product is now gone to a better place, where it still may be effectivly used for the only thing a chrysler can possibly be a good for..hitting things in its new use as a demolition derby car! WOOHOO CRAPTACULAR!! i just wish we could go cheer it on...
Special note on craptacular's replacement: well, the other night EL bastardo was on his way home from a secret society of the commission for a commission of inter-federal cross-planetary legislature against pants in all forms, especially pantaloons meeting, the unnamed replacement was killed by a known right-wing sympathizer, humani-terrorist [yes i am all about that hyphen today, mmhmm] and all around dink; Louis "mad deer" Smith [suspected alias], a known 9-point buck, committed a combo suicide double-assassination attempt against the non co-founder. Yes that right he ran in front of a dazed and unexcited El Bastardo as that bastard drove home, killing [well most likely. we're not that in depth on these sorta things. fucker looked dead alright?] unnamed and causing irreparable harm to the DR. PEPPER in the bastards hands. The universally deplored "life-saving" device, airbags, were noting in not only scaring the beejeezus out El bastardo [poor fool didnt realize the machine was equipped with the beastly things apparently]; but also causing that bastard to punch himself in the face, spilling gawd's own liquid all over the non-founders' face and crotch. In comment on the incident, the otherwise unharmed but equally miffed El Bastardo reported "My face was all sticky."
The story ends here as after that statement we suddenly didnt want to know more.
Note on moaning bear: Moaning bear was sold to some suckers.
Ha ha! SUCKERS!!!
Note on Rick: Rick, the founders noble pickup (whom he still has the keys for i might add) was given a viking funeral after years of dedicated service. Then the ashes, or what was left, was spread all over new ford trucks. Then what was left over from that was spread over chevy trucks. And so on and so on. The nick blesses you for all your service. Goodnight sweet rick, and may a flight of angels, sing thee to thy rest...
note on hudson - kill in action, story coming soon.